The Sidekick: The hairiest of back-up buddies, Chewbacca (perhaps a distant relative of Cousin It) communicates through throaty rumbles, is adept at piloting and shooting things, and unshakably loyal to hero Han Solo. Note: he's not fond of losing.
The Awesome: For a start, he’s humungous, meaning he’s got prowess by the boot-load. But despite his size meaning he could squash most men under one giant foot, he’s also a big softie – a quality that we love in our giant furballs.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: He’d open his own rug shop and sell the shaggy skins of his brethren for top dollar.
The Sidekick: Hi-tech kids plaything who really believes he’s the fictional hero he’s fashioned after. A shiny space ranger, Buzz is big of heart and courage (and, occasionally, of head).
The Awesome: Look – lasers! And an arm-choppy action thing! And he comes with a variety of catchy catch phrases! We waaaaant.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: He’d give in to the pressures of father Emporer Zurg and set about attempting to conquer the universe. Not that a fake laser would get him that far...
The Sidekick: Former hobbit Gollum once went by the name of Smeagol. Sadly, he became so corrupted by the power of his “preccccioussss” One Ring that his body buckled and bent into a monstrous visage of corruption.
The Awesome: We all like a tortured baddie, and Gollum’s up there as one of the best. Having arguments with himself and constantly switching loyalties, he’s a physical embodiment of the Gemini sign – one part evil, one part good, entirely awesome.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: Gollum’s played both sides, but if he ever went fully evil he’d surely go about hacking off fingers to ensure that nobody ever had cause to wear a ring ever again.
The Sidekick: A shy Mexican transfer student, Pedro is a Preston High newbie whose lack of vocal chutzpah is made up for in his ambition when he runs for class president. Opponent Summer isn’t exactly happy about that – especially when Pedro makes a giant piñata that looks just like her.
The Awesome: This dude has serious style – from the mop top ‘do (even the fake one) and the upper-lip hair, all the way down to the array of flannel shirts and that bodacious set of wheels, Pedro reeks of more cool than a Cool Factory.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: This could actually happen, given Pedro’s apparent desperation for power. Expect a ‘Ped For Pres’ T-shirt campaign to start up any day now.
The Sidekick: This handy fella (sorry) is always there in the nick of time. Despite being a biologist’s nightmare (just how does he work?!), Thing is the five-fingered friend everybody wishes they had by the side of their shoe.
The Awesome: Not only is Thing adept at shooing away disaster and fluent in sign language (naturally), he can also skateboard on a rollerskate and has appeared in an episode of The Cleveland Show ! Now that’s versatility.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: He’d get a job administering Darth Vader’s psychic death grip whenever the asthmatic one’s feeling a little under the weather.
The Sidekick: He may not say much (or, anything), but that’s the beauty of Silent Bob. Through his gobby friend Jay, we know that he loves John Hughes movies, King Diamond and Canadian melodrama.
The Awesome: Think Gromit (of Wallace And … fame) plonked in a trenchcoat and a baseball cap, and given a species make-over. Now you’re halfway there. You know the phrase 'a look is worth a thousand words'? That's Bob's mantra. Also, it’s Kevin Smith for chrissakes!
If They Turned To The Dark Side: He’d have everybody’s mouths sewn shut to stop all that bothersome blabbering, then meditate on an isolated mountain while everybody flaps about in panic.
The Sidekick: A genetic clone of genius mastermind Dr Evil, Mini Me came out a little smaller than everybody expected. One-eighth smaller than his original, to be precise. Almost always by Dr Evil’s side, Mini-Me is mostly mute, though emits a high-pitched “eee!” whenever he’s stressed.
The Awesome: He’s a mini version of a bald Mike Myers! And despite his tiny stature, Mini-Me has serious balls – when faced with super spy Austin Powers, he enthusiastically beats the crap out of him. (Okay, before being flushed into space…)
If They Turned To The Dark Side: Mini-Me has flirted with both sides of the Force, though if he were ever to come into his evil own, we imagine him taking over an isolated island as king, and making the inhabitant pygmies his adoring subjects. Mini-Mr Bigglesworth would be his guard cat.
The Sidekick: The ‘ugly’ part of The Good, The Bad And The Ugly, Tuco is a dangerous blend of comical and deadly, a bandit whose list of crimes is ten times the length of the barrel of his gun. Though he stands as his own man, he’s forced into an allegiance with Blondie to find the location of a stash of gold.
The Awesome: Tuco is one mean mofo, and he knows it. But his comical asides make him a likeable chap. Don’t trust him as far as you can throw him, though.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: The Tuco Empire would rise in the west, funded by stolen gold and founded on the broken backs of enemy gunslingers.
The Sidekick: Taking the myth that fish only have three second memories to its optimum limit, Dory is what we’d love to think all fish would be like if they could talk. Scatterbrain, histrionic and hilariously dumb.
The Awesome: She’s voiced by Ellen Degeneres. She’s got pretty much all the best one-liners in the movie (“I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine!”). She’s fluent in Whale. And she’s the one who actually, y’know, finds Nemo. Righteous! Righteous!
If They Turned To The Dark Side: The world would be plunged into chaos, as red becomes blue, ‘escape’ is spelled ‘esss-capay’ and nobody has a clue what is going on. Ever.
The Sidekick: A big-haired probable-virgin who barely opens his mouth to speak, Garth co-hosts local TV show Wayne’s World with his buddy Wayne. Together, they salivate over hot celebrities and rip the you-know-what out of the local personalities they interview. Mostly, Garth loves drum kits and sexy women - schwing!
The Awesome: He looks like Kate Hudson with backcombed hair and giant nerd glasses. Also, these clips speak for themselves .
If They Turned To The Dark Side: The entire human race would be enslaved and forced to learn the chords to 'Stairway To Heaven', all so that Garth could lead the biggest mosh ever. While surrounded by scantily clad blades, naturellement.
The Sidekick: Best friend to Ferris Bueller, Cameron is a pessimistic layabout who’s more concerned with worrying about all the bad things that could happen than having fun. In other words, he’s the perfect equaliser for the fun-seeking, sky-is-the-limit Ferris.
The Awesome: Actor Alan Ruck calls Cameron “the best part I ever had in a movie, and any success that I’ve had since 1985 is because [ John Hughes ] took a big chance on me. I’ll be forever grateful.” Hear, hear.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: Everything would be insulated with bubble wrap (even pets) by law.
The Sidekick: Good-hearted hobbit with a coun’ry accent. The one Gollum memorably refers to as a “stupid, fat hobbit”. Best friend to Frodo, resident of the Shire and generally an adventure-phobe – until he embarks on a quest to destroy the One Ring.
The Awesome: He’s everything that Gollum’s not. Loyal to the point of self-sacrificing, it’s his unending optimism and love for friend Mr Frodo that gets the pint-sized heroes through their perilous quest. He’ll make you cry every time.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: It would be because nobody loves him as much as he loves them. We imagine a desperate Samwise inventing an AphroRay, and hitting everybody in the world with it so that they love him forever. Terrifying.
The Sidekick: Poor Sloth (aka Lotney Fratelli) has a bashed-in face thanks to being dropped by his mother as a baby. Rather frequently. Still, his heart is beautiful even if the rest of him isn’t.
The Awesome: Exhibit a) natty T-shirt and suspenders combo. Exhibit b) a brilliantly joyous laugh. Exhibit c) “Hey youuu guuuys!” We rest our case.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: Sloth’s not really a big thinker, but he’s big in muscle mass, so he’d probably end up the henchman of a James Bond villain.
The Sidekick: Fast-talking, shape-shifting wish-granter who’s set free by street urchin Aladdin and grants him three wishes. He talks. A lot.
The Awesome: Never was there an animated Disneyverse character more colourful than the Genie. Thanks in part to Robin Williams’ inexhaustive energy, the Genie is a nuts, never-endingly entertaining invention.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: The Genie is indeed swayed to the dark side thanks to evil Jafar, though the Genie himself has no natural inclination to either side. If he did, we’d call him God.
The Sidekick: David Della Rocco aka The Funny Man used to work as a henchman for the Yakavetta clan, but is enlisted by Connor and Murphy MacManus to rid the Boston streets of evil. Together, they first take out Rocco’s old boss Vincenzo Lipazzi, then cut a bloody swathe through the city.
The Awesome: You’ve got to admire a man with morals in one hand and a firearm in the other - let alone the resolve to use said firearm in a crackpot scheme to rid the world of evil. Rocco, you’re alright.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: Been there, done that.
The Sidekick: Genius inventor, whose happy misfortune of cracking his head on the bathroom sink led to him discovering time travel.
The Awesome: Brown clearly has heaps of style – he decided to use a DeLorean as the shell for his time machine. Also, any man who can still pull off dashing with that shock of Einstein-inspired white hair gets the thumbs up in our books.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: He’d go back in time and do exactly what Biff did, except he’d change the outcomes of some wars first in order to crown himself King Of Earth.
The Sidekick: Mindy MacCready is a 10-year-old whippersnapper who covets guns like they are Barbies and is trained by her father to be an unstoppable killing machine. Technically, she could stand on her own, but for purposes of ensuring she’s on this list, Hit-Girl also passes as Big Daddy’s sidekick.
The Awesome: The fact that Dave calls her a cross between John Rambo and Polly Pocket says it all. Controversy-courting swear words aside (well, they made us giggle), Hit-Girl can cause all kinds of damage, and always come out on top. We want to be her.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: She’d grow up and kick Catwoman’s furry behind.
The Sidekick: Vietnam vet Walter uses his experiences fighting in the war as a yard stick for all hardship in the world. If you didn’t die “face down in the muck”, you’re fine in Walt’s opinion. Is otherwise indisposed on Saturdays, his religious day of rest.
The Awesome: He’s a mental bloke with a gun, a grown-out buzz cut, and the coolest shades this side of Top Gun . What’s not to love?
If They Turned To The Dark Side: He’d wage war on skinny blokes who drink herbal tea, heading up an army of aviator-wearing skinheads.
The Sidekick: NASCAR driver Cal is known as The Magic Man, and is best friend to number one (not 11) racecar driver Ricky Bobby. “I like to think of Jesus as wearin' a Tuxedo T-shirt,” he says, “’cause it says, like, ‘I want to be formal, but I'm here to party too.’ I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.”
The Awesome: Aside from being liberal and modern when it comes to his religion, Cal has the admirable skills of a true sidekick – namely sticking by his buddy when things get rough.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: Naughtonism would take over Scientology as the religion of modern day. Wait, is that really evil?
The Sidekick: Marijuana shifter Ed basically lives on best mate Shaun’s couch. Luckily he comes in handy when a zombie infection sweeps the planet, helping Shaun to track down his parents and girlfriend Liz.
The Awesome: When you splutter lines like “cock it!”, “gayyy” and “oi! prick!”, you know you’re onto a winner. Also, Cornetto’s do rule.
If They Turned To The Dark Side: Well, he is a zombie now…