"Hello, Blackwood!"
We open on Mark Strong's villain, Lord Blackwood. He's evil, see - which is why he's in prison. Probably.
"I have a request," he snarls. "Someone I want to see…"
Now, who could he want to see in a Sherlock Holmes film called Sherlock Holmes based in a world in which Sherlock Holmes lives? Paddington Bear!
Trance Music
"Sherlock Holmes... You must widen your gaze. You underestimate the gravity of coming events… Tomorrow at midday, the world as you know it, will end," continues Blackwood over images of evil, death and a woman in a trance.
Either that, or it's rehearsal footage from Pride & Prejudice & Zombies.
Our Hero
Holmes appears in shadow for the first time.
Not quite sure why they felt they needed to build up to his first appearence, but we suppose it's for all those people who are seeing the trailer fresh, without realising that Holmes is being reborn as Iron Ma... Er, Robert Downey Jr.
Pipe Work
And here he is in daylight.
"Well, there isn’t any time to waste then, is there?" says Holmes, shortly before we see him leap out of frame, pursued by gunfire.
Wonder where he's going...
Leap Of Faith
Out of the Houses Of Parliament, apparently.
Bet ol' Basil Rathbone never did *that*...
Grave Situation
Time for some more exposition...
"The witness stated that he saw Lord Blackwood rise from the grave," says a voiceover as peelers carry what might be Blackwood's coffin.
Seems Lord Blackwood's a bit of a dabbler in the magic arts...
Man On A Mission
"We want you to find him and stop him," insists James Fox's mutton-chopped Sir Thomas. We'll bet he's involved with the bad guy, but that's just a guess. Maybe we've been watching too much 24.
"That will take every ounce of my not inconsiderable experience," replies Holmes (nice accent, RDJ).
We then cut to Holmes talking with surly Inspector Lestrade ( Happy-Go-Lucky 's Eddie Marsan), who's clearly unimpressed with our hero. "This may be a hobby to you, Mr Holmes, but I do it for a living."
Yeah, but who do you want to bet actually solves the crime? No, not Paddington Bear.
Breaking & Entering
We get a quick flash of one of New Holmes' flashy gadgets - in this case, an unfolding set of lock picks.
Pah! The classic Holmes would just think the door open with diamond-hard logic.
Doctor Watson!
And now we enter the romantic comedy portion of the trailer.
First, a heroic shot of Jude Law as Dr Watson, with a voice-over from Holmes. ("It does make a considerable difference to me, having someone with me, on whom I can thoroughly rely.")
Touch of the bromances creeping in...
Dynamic Duo
One of the fun action/comedy beats of the trailer - Holmes attempting to pick the lock, and Watson smashing it in with a swift kick.
"Always nice to see you, Watson," says Holmes.
We also get the pair squabbling like an old married couple...
"I never complain!" says Watson. "When do I complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning or your mess… your general lack of hygiene or the fact that you steal my clothes?"
Presumably, he makes no mention of Holmes' heavy opium habit, since they're downplaying that aspect of the character for the film. (Probably wise, given the lead actor's past).
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Smack! The Snatch -like fist fight includes lots of entirely unecessary, Zack Snyder-style speed ramping.
Wonder if it'll be like this in the film, or if it's just for the trailer. Guy, mate, it's not too late to edit it all out...
Take A Knee
Ah, the lovely Rachel McAdams arrives to break up the manfest.
She's spunky and awesome. "Be a lady," insists Holmes as she tries to kill him with a dagger or two during what looks like a raucous seduction scene.
A swift knee to the groin soon brings him down...
Beauty Shot
Gratuitous shot of Rachel McAdams looking amazing.
That's it. Nothing else to see here. Move along...
Shock Treatment
More action as Mr Holmes uses what appears to be an early form of a taser on a thug.
Oh, and Watson has a go at him again: "Holmes, does your depravity know no bounds?"
"No."
Despite the druggie-downplaying, RDJ is clearly having fun hinting at his old image...
Stop! Hammer Time...
Probably our favourite jokey action beat of the whole thing.
Holmes takes on a hulking brute in a full-blooded fight with two different-sized hammers...
Good fun, but let's hope Ritchie doesn't crank the comedy too high...
'Splodey!
Look ma, action!
More massive set-piece hints as Ritchie goes out of his way to prove this is a Big Fun Blockbuster and not some stuffy BBC production.
We can hear the harumphing at the Conan Doyle Purist Society, though...
Shock & Awe
"Watson… What have you done?" gasps a disturbed Holmes as the pair gape at either A) something terrible that has to do with the plot or B) the screening of All The King's Men that Jude Law is making the entire cast sit through.
We also get Watson screaming "Hooooolmes!" in a very Hollywood "Nooooooo!"-type way.
Bed Head
A last comic beat for Holmes, obviously after McAdams' Irene has left him nekkid and chained to a bed.
A shocked maid arrives.
"Madam. I need you to remain calm and trust me, I’m a professional. Beneath this pillow lies the key to my release..."
So it's Action Holmes with a comedy twist. Fantastic fun, fast-moving and, hoping it doesn't slide too far into silly comedy, we're excited to see more...
