What better way to spin an “alcohol problem” into an “alcohol opportunity”? Understandably, the idea of drinking on the job never sat well in the office. Even if the gaming press needed a Hunter S. Thompson, I’d probably be a poor choice. But by the time my contemporaries figured that out, it’d be too late! And I’d be drunk, without pants, and sittin’ pretty on the clock.
Eric had used me for asimilar feature, but I desperately wanted to play the guinea pig for another adventure in irresponsibility. I used to keep game records under a separate "Drunk" file to not tamper with serious (sober) gaming, and observe myself in what I consider to be a lifelong behavioral study. Turns out my scores and times we’re better overall once I’ve had a few. Super Punch-Out!! especially, once again proving Tequila and Pabst will always make you a better fighter.
I could’ve turned this hobby ‘o mine from pathetic to professional, but 1up’s Mrs. Frank’s beat me to the punch with a smart, funny, personal account of what it’s like to PUI. But let’s see how far you’re willing to go Jenn Frank! I’m talking playing Nintendogs while freebasing catnip! A 24 hour binge of WarioWare and Ritalin! Contra 4 on the hardest difficulty while snorting FlyBalls! (That’s cocaine and dragonfly legs.) I’m willing to abuse my body in ways you, the ESRB, and the FDA have never even imagined.* Oh, and Shane thinks you’re cute.
*Don’t do drugs, kids.
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