50 Strangest Censored Movie Lines

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What the f***?

Risky Business (1983)

Caddyshack (1980)

Original Line: “Hey everybody! Let's all get laid!”

Edited Version : “Hey everybody! Let's all take a shower!”

Which doesn't exactly clean this line up, does it?

The Matrix (1999)

Original Line: "If Morpheus had told us the truth, we would have told him to shove that red pill right up his ass!"

Edited Version : "If Morpheus had told us the truth, we would have told him to shove that red pill right up his ear!"

Give a whole new meaning to the term 'earful'.

Blade: Trinity (2004)

Original Line: "That tickle that you're feeling in the back of your throat right now? It's atomized colloidal silver. It's being pumped through the building's air-conditioning systems, you cock-juggling thundercunt!"

Edited Version: "That tickle that you're feeling in the back of your throat right now? It's atomized colloidal silver. It's being pumped through the building's air-conditioning systems, you crock-juggling chunderbump!"

Ryan Reynolds gets censored for TV and is even less coherent than usual.

There's Something About Mary (1998)

Original Line: "He was masturbating, he was masturbating!"

Edited Version: “Franks and Beans, Franks and Beans!”

Which is actually a recipe involving the unholy marriage of hot dogs and beans in a stew.

Clearly Mary's brother is a fan...

The Exorcist (1973)

Original Line: “Your mother sucks cocks in Hell.”

Edited Version: “Your mother knits socks that smell.”

Unbelievably sinister.

Ghostbusters (1984)

Original Line: "We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!"

Edited Version: "What a knockabout of pure fun that was."

Perhaps the worst example of Bowdlerisation ever – particularly insulting because the cast actually recorded this alternate version.

We thought better of them.

Scarface (1983)

Original Line: "This town is one big pussy just begging to be fucked."

Edited Version: "This town is one big chicken just begging to be plucked."

Which, obviously, makes so much more sense.

Pineapple Express (2008)

Original Line: Seth Rogen yells: “You're an asshole. That's all you are; an asshole.”

Edited Version: Seth Rogen yells: “You're a casserole! That's all you are; a casserole.”

Even funnier is James Franco's embittered response. “I'M NOT A CASSEROLE!”

You tell him, Franco.

Snakes On A Plane (2006)

Original Line: “I have had it with these mother-fucking snakes on this mother-fucking plane!”

Edited Version: “I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!”

So funny that we wish this was in the actual movie.

Joshua Winning

Josh Winning has worn a lot of hats over the years. Contributing Editor at Total Film, writer for SFX, and senior film writer at the Radio Times. Josh has also penned a novel about mysteries and monsters, is the co-host of a movie podcast, and has a library of pretty phenomenal stories from visiting some of the biggest TV and film sets in the world. He would also like you to know that he "lives for cat videos..." Don't we all, Josh. Don't we all.