The most ridiculous game box quotes ever

Ever wish you could take back something you said? Imagine it printed on millions of game boxes

Grand exaggerations aresupposed to be so grand that no one bothers to consider whether or not they're true. Like, "Castlevania is so damn good, the diskpopped itself out of myPlayStation and performed triple bypass surgery on my cat without a single hiccup in gameplay. That's right, Symphony of the Night is a competent cat surgeon."

You don't say that you can't see it all, because if you have three save games with 100% completion each, then yes, you've seen it all.

This quote is a squarely in the realm of typical game writing in that it is dull, uninspired, and reminiscent of something that might appear in a sixth grader's book report. This quote should perhaps be revised to note that the graphics are composed of images of clay, but that the graphics are not "made of clay."

Hey everyone, raise your hands if you've ever heard of Spy Fiction. Okay, those of you raising your hands - did it blow other PS2 games out of the water? No, no, not literally "out of the water," that's a stupid cliché the writer used because he couldn't think ofanything original. Was it better than every PS2 game released before it?Let's see:

"A geriatric MGS clone" -Official PlayStation Magazine

"For a game with so many features, its greatest accomplishment may be using them to be so mundane." -1up

"With a clunky camera and a slightly awkward weapon system the battles consist of throwing grenades and hoping to clear the area as fast as possible." -IGN

Is that so, John Carpenter, director of The Thing, the film this game is based on? This is like putting a quote from Cliff Bleszinski's momon the back of Gears of War 2.

"My son works on the uh, the Microsofts. We're very proud. Gears of... what? What was it? Gears of War 2! You're such a good boy." - Cliffy's mom

Do German writers often put two exclamation marks after percentages? Maybe that's all there is to German game reviews: they introduce a game, yell out its percentage score, then slap it on a table and drink a pint.

In case you can't read it:

"It's not just a new frontier for games, it's a new frontier for humanity." -Rolling Stone

I knowthat GTA has been a greatly influential series, butits overall effect on the course of human history is yet to be determined.When I think of new frontiers for humanity, I think of the industrial revolution, space exploration, quantum physics, the invention of penicillin, and the continuing possibility of a Red Dwarf movie.

But this is Rolling Stone, the same publicationthatsays that every movieis"an explosive, action-packed whirlwind" or "the best film of the summer, maybe of the year" or "packedwith orgasmic, groundbreaking crap-your-pants thrills that'll have you at the edge of your seat -you won't want to look away, or pee, even if you really have to because, Holy Mother of God, this has O-S-C-A-R written all over it in permanent marker."

That last quote was in reference to High School Musical 3.


Associate Editor, Digital at PC Gamer


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