An all-star cast flails about to no discernible purpose in Duncan Ward’s Altman-esque satire, a flaccid take on the London art scene that doesn’t appear to have benefited from having Damien Hirst as consultant.
Danny Huston and Stellan Skarsgård play rival sharks (of the un-pickled variety) competing to get aged collector Christopher Lee to part with the eponymous Mondrian, a battle which eventually sees Stellan’s wife (Gillian Anderson), his mistress (Heather Graham) and Danny’s rollerskating assistant (Amanda Seyfried) become collateral damage.
This, though, is only one plot strand in a muddled mish-mash of eye-catching paintings that’s annoyingly, curiously bereft of a single sympathetic character. The closest it gets is struggling dealer Alan Cumming, a loser clinging onto the coattails of lesbian video artist Jaime Winstone for dear life.
Like everyone else, alas, Cumming overplays his hand, his weepy hysterics setting the tone for an aggravating, shallow shambles.