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101 things we've learned from videogames

1. It’s OK to kill people.

2. Dying doesn’t really matter much either.


3. If you’re 14, have hair covering your eyes and live in a small village, man up, because you’re going to have to save the world.

4. Medicine became obsolete in the year 2004, when doctors noticed that hiding behind a wall caused human health to regenerate to 100%.

5. Eating stuff found on the floor is good for you – your parents were wrong.


6. Sometime in the future, Earth will be menaced by hordes of alien spacecraft that fly in predictable patterns and can be killed in one hit. The logical course of action will be to despatch one brave hero in an untested plane/tank/spaceship to take them all on without help.

7. Winners don’t use drugs.

8. Buildings may have crates full of goodies on their roofs, so always check, even if it means riding a motorbike up the fire escape.

9. Enemies, rather than approach you directly, behave like Michael Flatley (of Riverdance fame) on a conveyor belt.

10. Keycards are only manufactured in primary colors.

11. Tanks will go faster if you turn the turret backwards and keep firing.


12. Anything in the world can be made from food, wood and gold.

13. Most guards forget you unsuccessfully tried to strangle them after walking around for 20 seconds.

14. It’s surprising just how useful martial arts are on the modern battlefield.


15. When you get shot, you don’t feel any pain, nor does it affect your aim. However, it does cause your vision to turn red for a couple of seconds.

16. If a crown princess is abducted by political dissidents or terrorists it is advisable to avoid using Special Forces and instead hire the services of an Italian plumber or a dizzy egg.

17. Firearms are most simply reloaded by pointing them at the wall and pulling the trigger.

18. Crates only contain one single item, much smaller than the crate itself. The item will usually be in the dead centre of the crate with no supporting packing material.

19. If you’re stuck in life and don’t know what to do, simply attempt to use every single item in your possession on your obstacle. If none of them work, go back the way you came. You’ve clearly missed something.

107 comments

  • AtoMixxer - June 26, 2011 11:29 a.m.

    Great guide.
  • Shforteenteen14 - June 24, 2011 4:02 p.m.

    If you squint your eyes just right, your vision will acually zoom forward as though you were using a sniper scope.
  • ShadowBroker23 - June 28, 2011 12:59 p.m.

    I disagree, L4D1 on the PC let you see you feet... floating an inch away from the ledge of a building
  • Bobishungry - June 24, 2011 12:41 p.m.

    I feel like this list could go on forever if they really tried.
  • dex477 - April 4, 2010 3:02 a.m.

    #102: If a person of the opposite sex looks at you for more than 1 second without saying anything during a cutscene, they are going to fall in love with you. And you will subsequently fall in love with them.
  • akairue - February 4, 2010 6:20 p.m.

    everyone here's has good add-on for this article. all I just wanna say is : "don't worry to do some mistakes. you can simply load your game." but, don't try this at home (at your life, exactly) "don't try to load your life when you do some mistakes. because you'll never found a save point in your life." :P
  • akairue - February 4, 2010 5:52 p.m.

    nice list. LOL by the way, am I the 101st comment in this "101 things" ? LOL
  • Morethan3words - February 3, 2010 6:46 p.m.

    Also: the difference between perfect health and death can be put on a scale from 100 to 0. And, based on that scale, you know exactly how much closer to death you are regardless of what kind of damage you take or where on your body it occurs.
  • pat5556 - January 29, 2010 12:57 a.m.

    also: Getting shot a few times will not affect you badly, however you die instantly from a knife wound. You can resupply by picking up small bags from the corpses of your enemies, even if they werent carrying the same ammo as you. Modern security cameras are detailed enough to construct a 3d model of a bullet casing and trace it to a specific gun, but are unable to see faces clearly. The nuclear missle is the cause of and solution to all of the Earth's problems. Firing a sniper rifle from the hip has a bigger spread than a shotgun, however aiming down a scope increases this accuracy by 500%.
  • pat5556 - January 29, 2010 12:48 a.m.

    I totaly agree with everything on this list ^_^. Yesterday, i shot myself in the foot with my rifle (since i couldnt see it) and after a few seconds, the pain went away and my foot was as good as new!
  • Smalltownredemption - December 11, 2008 12:06 a.m.

    "55. Wearing a pair of white gloves to work every day may seem an unwise choice if your chosen career is plumbing, but, in reality, you will never have to dirty your pristine mitts by fishing a swollen, fetid tampon from a shit-clogged outflow pipe." - Priceless. Totally priceless.
  • DarthKyoKai - December 9, 2008 5:58 a.m.

    one they need to add; "you can find magical potions and money by cutting grass and breaking rocks."
  • Ranger6667 - December 7, 2008 6:43 a.m.

    You forgot "If you've been mortally wounded, bleeding out, and dying on the ground. All it takes is some positive re-inforcement from a buddy to revive you."
  • BuRN_iN_MY_MiND - December 7, 2008 4:09 a.m.

    bosses always have a 3 move attack strategy which when performed leaves them vunerable to counter attack for prolonged periods of time... so they do it slightly faster. when killed, bosses usually drop a weapon or ability that is the following bosses only weakness. your allies are invincible but despite this, send you to do all the hard stuff whilst they contemplate killing the occasional enemy. run just out of reach of the police for long enough and they'll completely forget why they were chasing you. despite usually being naked, all species of alien have no reproductive organs. t-bagging is the most effective way to hurt someone emotionally.
  • ShipsMaid - December 5, 2008 2:35 p.m.

    I like the Dizzy reference ;) Buccaneer comes out on Valve today http://littlurl.com/96asp
  • Youreverydaygamer - December 2, 2008 2:06 a.m.

    Loved that article, but you forget the whole "Enemies are impervious to world ending natural disasters while you were across the galaxy saving some computerized bitch, but when you come back they're all dandy and ready to piss you off in 3 games" :)
  • shadow985 - December 2, 2008 12:57 a.m.

    i forgot one lol 116. the ignore button is around for one reason... to use on the 7 year old boy that talks like mikey mouse and has the voice changer to +5 while playing the chicken dance song in the backround screaming his own words to it as his older brother attemps to play the trumpet in his ear(gasps for air)and their mom has her loud mouth friend over to watch lifetime in the next room...this has happened before
  • shadow985 - December 2, 2008 12:46 a.m.

    102. the computer doesnt mind not killing you while you take a pee if you press start. 103. or no matter how many times you shoot someone online it only takes one shot in the leg to kill you. 104. cops will completely ignore a terorist attack happining right behind them but when you walk across the street when the pretty red hand stops blinking the army comes after you. 105. you can run, jump, swim, and play basketball with a minigun but you cant aim it any higher than waist level. 106. a magical floating pill can slow the world down and turn you into superman. 107. cell phones can hold numbers, text messages, pictures, and cheat codes. 108. people in hospital waiting rooms dont have health care so its ok to kill them 109. open dumpsters are the new coffins (if you played hitman you get that one) 110. beating a song on expert 100% is equivalent to a 3 year old singing the ABC's. 111. Cheetoes are part of the atkins diet for gamers 112. why quest for hours on end for money when you could just magicly make an infinate number of valuables pop up in front of you just bly clicking a scroll twice 113. when you play a pc game you can walk on air by typing god mode 114. you can make friends that you will never meet just by saying hi 115. video game chat rooms are sausage fests
  • jimmyjames5 - December 1, 2008 9 p.m.

    103 you can allways just lode your game if you die
  • comediac - December 1, 2008 8:24 p.m.

    they forgot: if you die in the wilderness, you will soon be standing in the nearest town and noone will question how you got there

Showing 1-20 of 107 comments

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