The Top 7... Articles we wish we'd thought of

Sexual Moments in Video Game History-I-Mockery.com

Sometimes in life, you just have to know when to settle for second place. Or, when you're competing with I-Mockery... 30th.

I learned this lesson the extremely tough way while writing my recent feature,The Top 7... Nudity You Didn't Notice. As you can probably guess from the title, research was a bitch. If you didn't "notice" this stuff, how was I supposed to find it? Compiling a photo gallery of the Top 7 Invisible Leprechauns would've been easier - and a lot less embarrassing. Pixel by pixel, however, I hunted down those blocky 8-bit boobs and grainy last-gen asses, a tiny bit of my dignity dying with each new discovery.

And then, near the end, I stumbled across I-Mockery and realized my article could have simply been one giant link: "GO HERE INSTEAD!" Their Sexual Moments in Video Game History is the Holy Bible of retro naughtiness, a completely absurd and completely hilarious encyclopedia of every adult theme that ever sneaked its way into a kids' game. Behold 29 - yes, 29! - pages of kung fu sex, phallic mushrooms, talking toilets, exhibitionist monsters, self-pleasuring statues, writhing superheroes, crotch flashing babies and, of course, "mad tiger balls." All are presented by the author with a perfect mix of horrified shame and unabashed celebration.

Okay, so nudity in games is not an original idea whatsoever. But hey, if you're gonna spend hours, days or even weeks documenting such a ridiculous topic for your website (ahem), you might as well be the best. I give you the king.

Had enough hyperlinks? No? Then click on this one last link to see ourTop 7 Compendiumand educate yourself about all kinds of videogame-related things you never wanted - or needed - to know!

Apr 14, 2008