Skip to main content

The fappiest fitness games

It is required by law that every fitness videogame published after 1978 must include an attractive female in tight clothing on its cover, regardless of actual content. This naturally got the attention of our boner, as most things eventually do, and launched us on a Quixotic quest to discover which videogame fitness coach will best service your insatiable autoerotic needs. But buying fitness games can be embarrassing, so rehearse this simple script before entering the store.

You: Do you have Your Shape featuring Jenny McCarthy?

Clerk: Um, I think so. Let me check.

You: Thanks. It’s a gift. Do you think my sister will like it?

Clerk: I don’t know, is your sister hot?

You: I dunno. Probably.

Clerk: Cool (snort). Yeah, we have it. It’s right over there.

If you stay cool and stick to your story, the transaction should go down smoothly. Every game on this list is rated E and probably available used, so you should have no trouble acquiring any of them what suit your fancy.