Continental game journalists
You need a bit of insider knowledge here. There's a common joke wheeled out by UK and US games journalists, with depressing regularity, that their Euro counterparts always ask the same pointless question in every developer interview. It's usually a variant of this: “Hallo. Wolfgang Kieslozski here from SuperPlayFun XS in the Benelux. I would like to know, err, what is the polygon count?"
To be honest it's wearing a bit thin these days so instead we might have to resort to taking the piss out of their clothes or something.
Kaz Hirai's pink shirts
This isn't some macho bullshit - we love pink, really we do. We also have no personal vendetta against Sony boss Kaz Hirai. But in the name of all that is tasteful, Kaz, go out and splash some cash on diversifying your wardrobe. You've been representing thetucked-in pastel pink shirt lookfor long enough now. There's a world of exciting colours in the spectrum of light. Go wild.
People who play driving games in manual
Not dissimilar to walking round wearing a T-shirt that says, "Yes, that's right, I'm better than you".
Waiting for games to come out
You read that X game is coming out for X console and you want it. Yesterday. But it doesn't work like that. You have to wait for five or six months (or years) before it finally arrives. And when it does, and you wait outside the shop at 9am eagerly anticipating the smell of freshly unwrapped videogame, you find out it's been delayed again. Because the PEGI sticker isn't on it or... because it's a leap year. It doesn't matter. Quite why only children get tantrum rights is beyond us.
The 'DS version'
The connotations of this are always terrifying.
Modern games are full of amazing technical and design innovations. Characters look almost photorealistic. They behave like real people. We have complex, mind-bending tasks which force us to think in totally new ways and take a catalogue of cross-pollinated skills to complete. So why are bosses still stuck in 1993?
Let’s think about this. We grind through thousands upon thousands of intelligent, skilled, and challenging lackeys before taking on the guy in charge and finding out that he built his entire empire on the back of an ability to sequentially run to three different places and fire three different weapons until he gets hit three times on the big, bulbous pustule that covers half of his body?! Jesus man, put a bandage on that thing.
Over the shoulder gamers
"Quick! Shoot it in the big red flashing bulbous thing on its head! What are you doing? No! You have to avoid the tentacles. Watch out! Run left! You need to change weapon. CHANGE WEAPON! Quick, changeweaponchangeweaponchangeweapon!"
"Thanks for your help and everything, but would you kindly SHUTTHEHELLUP!”
No full frontal nudity
Well, why not? We're all adults here, sort of, if adults means 'a demographic spanning 10-35 year olds'. Full frontal would certainly take the heat off Manhunt 2, that's for ruddy sure.