Beckinsale is sparkle-eyed and delicately beautiful. But can you honestly - honestly - remember a single thing she's said in any of her films? Us neither.
The blooper reel is maybe a little mean. But... what did we just say?
Why We Don't Care: Look at her. Just look at her.
Filling the role of Bella is a tough gig: R-Pattz has to carry the crushes of a squealing generation, but Stewart has to be the audience.
Well done Twilight producers, then, for using someone so incapable of expressing any emotion more profound than "sulking in a hoodie" that she's basically a wobbling greenscreen void where the lusting tweens can imagine themselves instead. It's genius really.
Why We Don't Care: A brilliant actor in Twilight would stand-out like a vampire at a werewolf convention. We've got a feeling Kristen will come out of her shell once the Twilight Saga has finally reached its conclusion (if indeed it ever does).
Life’s tough when you’re one of the three Baldwin brothers genetically coded to blow out in your late thirties. The options? Explode like Daniel, master an ironic version of your screen persona to huge approval like Alec, or carry the fringe of much younger man and continue to suck at acting like Stephen.
Why We Don't Care: He was pretty funny in Big Brother.
The one-time Hollywood wunderkind has slumped to a parody of shock-stares, bared teeth and, in his greatest folly, screaming about bees and fire .
Why We Don't Care: At least Cage is prepared to experiment with his craft. He's always brave, never boring.
Less like can’t act, more like just doesn’t act, anymore. Only a madman would claim McGregor is talentless following the likes of Trainspotting and, uh, Moulin Rouge.
But equally, only a really mad madman would suggest he’s anything like good in Star Wars, The Island, and especially Woody Allen’s confusingly dreadful Cassandra’s Dream.
Why We Don't Care: He's owed at least ten Oscars for Renton. Until he gets those, he can do what he wants.
Punch Drunk Love is of course the exception that proves the rule. The rule being that Adam Sandler is a barely-coherent baby-talking professional moron.
Why We Don't Care: He may play himself, but himself is liked by millions. If it ain't broke...
There, but the for grace of God, goes Keanu Reeves. While Keanu graduated from early ‘90s slacker mumblings, Shore ended up doing the pathetic clinger-on act until, well, forever.
Why We Don't Care : He is very, very easy to ignore.
A surefire sign that whatever you’re doing onscreen isn’t working is when the audience has a nagging feeling that all your films are supposed to be funny, even when they’re about listless youth or time-travelling tragedies of some kind.
Why We Don't Care : His relationship with Demi Moore is absolutely fascinating.
To be fair to Mr Radcliffe, he’s grown into the films as the Potter megalith has rolled on. But in the first two films especially, it’s clear he’s no actor, and the stiffness visible in this trailer has never completely disappeared.
Still, at least he’s better than the dude who plays Percy.
Why We Don't Care: DanRad is an icon to an entire generation of movie-goers, we feel a bit churlish for even mentioning him.
As a cockerny fug with brass balls and a big chopper, Vinnie can just about pass muster. Once he steps outside his manor, though, it’s a very different story.
Why We Don't Care: It's not as though he'll ever appear in another X-Film again. Please?