This week, GamesRadar heads south. Moving past the Mario mustaches of the world, our journey takes us beyond the nippled twin peaks and down below the belt. It is here that two thighs meet. And it is here that our real work begins. Join us as we wrestle with matters of anatomy to call out the Top 7 biggest and most impressive bulges we’ve encountered on game characters.
7. Pokemon Black & White – Beartic
Beartic may be an Ice-type Pokemon, but this bipedal polar bear is packing some heat. While most trainers agree that Beartic is gender-neutral, try telling that to the icy spears of masculinity exploding from the bad bear’s loins.
Power and accuracy statistics are useless for measuring the intimidation factor that Beartic’s spiky mound brings to play when battling other trainers. With its icy breath, Beartic will freeze opponents in place, leaving them with no choice but to gaze upon this Pokemon’s true source of power as it feasts on their pet’s flesh with its cold, hard fangs.
6. Street Fighter – Sagat
Our investigation continues, taking us to the world of Street Fighter, where we face the fearsome one-eyed monster: Sagat. The Muay Thai fighter has experienced several shameful defeats, which saw the loss of his eye during a battle against the father of Street Fighter joke Dan Hibiki and the addition of a tortured scar carved across his chest with Ryu’s deadly dragon punch. You can even see the great Sagat on the verge of tears, grimacing while E. Honda bitch-slaps him to death on the cover of the SNES version of Street Fighter II Turbo.
Above: Sagat seems to suffer from a case of selective gigantism below the belt
Still, despite his many humiliating losses, Sagat wears his wounds with pride and continues to fight like a true world warrior. His ability to persevere can undoubtedly be attributed to the fighter’s manly virility, the evidence of which can clearly be seen lurking beneath the billowy folds of Sagat’s roomy trunks.
Above: His primal power is also highlighted in this Street Fighter II Turbo cover art and this resin statue by SOTA Toys
In theory, Yoga master Dhalsim could use his mystic powers to extend the length of his unmentionable limb, but of course, diameter matters too. And with Sagat, the proof is in the pants pudding.