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The 10 most distracting things in Heavy Rain

5. Ethan%26rsquo;s dead-eyed stare

Speaking of eerie, how about Ethan’s eternally sad, corpse-like eyes? You could argue his haunted, blank stare is a result of having suffered immense tragedy, but the truth of the matter is that whether he’s a brilliant architect who’s just gotten up in the morning…

… a proud family man…

… a tragic figure who’ll do anything to save his son…

… or just looking death in the face…

… his eyes never betray more than the slightest hint of emotion or expression, and he always wears the same cold, borderline-psychotic stare. Madison’s eyes are expressive, Shelby’s look world-weary and Jayden’s… don’t make him look like a corpse. But for some reason, Ethan – the supposed protagonist – looks robotic and emotionless throughout, and our connection to him suffers as a result. If you’re wondering why some reviewers have been calling him personality-free and uninteresting, this is a big part of the reason why.

6. Overacting outbursts

Even when the characters aren’t speaking in unintentionally bizarre accents, a few of their performances got so hammy and overbearing that we actually burst out laughing. It wasn’t just that they were being too bombastic, or too loud – it was that, sometimes, their rants were just inappropriate to the situation. In one of those cases, at least – the scene in which Norman Jayden briefs his co-investigators on the Origami Killer’s psych profile – we found out why: Detective Blake’s outburst at the end comes regardless of how you respond to his heckling. Whether Norman is aggressive or just assertive, the outcome is the same: “F**KIN’ ASSHOLE!”

Don’t believe us? See for yourself:

7. Schizophrenia

For a while there, it looked like the general public had finally gotten it into its head that schizophrenia – defined by theUS National Library of Medicineas a brain disorder that involves delusions and hallucinations – was not the same thing as having multiple personalities. And yet, Ethan’s conversation with his shrink brings this hoary old misconception roaring back from the grave.

What Ethan does have is more likely a dissociative disorder, such as dissociative personality disorder or dissociative fugue. And had Ethan’s doctor called it that instead of “schizophrenia,” we wouldn’t be pointing it out.

After graduating from college in 2000 with a BA in journalism, I worked for five years as a copy editor, page designer and videogame-review columnist at a couple of mid-sized newspapers you've never heard of. My column eventually got me a freelancing gig with GMR magazine, which folded a few months later. I was hired on full-time by GamesRadar in late 2005, and have since been paid actual money to write silly articles about lovable blobs.