Burger King unleashes obesity apocalypse

Big Bumpin' could've been a stylish crotch-grinding dance for gangsta-pop ring-tone rap, but instead it's just a bumper car simulation. But at least there's slogan brainwashing. Like when you use the inadequate create-a-character function, the game orders you to "Take to the arena with a driver built to Have it Your Way."

So obey your corporate master. Take to the arena. You've got three opponents. Now ram em', pick up some dreary power-ups, and ram em' again. Enjoy the overwhelming, variety of five, yes, five stages. And watch for hazards like driving out of bounds... we can't stop the excitement. Pardon while we yawn.