Float like a superhero, sting like a beast…
It seems like every time you turn around one superhero is taking on another in an epic fight to the death, which got me thinking: What if they weren’t restricted by studios and timelines? Could Buffy beat up Jessica Jones, or Angel take down Blade? Could Catwoman claw her way through a fight with Black Widow, or the Hulk smash Beast? Iron Man and Captain America be damned, here are the superhero showdowns we want to see, and who might win.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs. Jessica Jones
With the fate of the world weighing heavily on her shoulders, Buffy the Vampire Slayer wants nothing more than to ditch her superhero status and be a normal girl. Meanwhile, Marvel’s brooding babe Jessica Jones has an equal measure of disregard for save-the-day types, and happily leaves the heroics up to S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers. Put these two in the ring together and it would be a blistering fight, fuelled by inner demons and a generous helping of quick wit.
Verdict: Jessica’s first season showdown with the mind-twisting Kilgrave was compelling stuff, but Buffy’s credentials place her on top. Having taken down seven seasons of Hellmouth horrors, including vamp-boyfriend Angel, we are inclined to side with Sunnydale’s high-kicking heroine on this one.
Hulk vs. Beast
Both of these scientists-turned-superheroes have a great deal in common, which is why this would be a showdown of epic proportions. Dr. Bruce Banner turns several shades greener when he sees red, transforming into his smash and destroy alter ego Hulk. The furry blue Beast – aka Hank McCoy – is just as explosive when it comes to combat. In the Marvel universe, each character’s monstrous side is seen as an affliction they desperately want to be rid of, but it also becomes extremely handy during a duel.
Verdict: It would be a close call but Hulk’s blinding rage gives him an unpredictable edge that Beast wouldn’t be able to contend with. When the scientist in the driving seat can’t even control his own alter ego it’s no contest.
Spider-Man vs. Mister Fantastic
It’s Spider-Man’s acrobatic web-slinging versus Mister Fantastic’s body-bending moves. Who would come out on top? Scientist Reed Richards leads his comrades, aka the Fantastic Four, into battle and is always one outstretched step ahead of the enemy. Spidey’s enhanced strength and agile speed put him shoulder to (elongated) shoulder with Mister Fantastic and the pair’s intelligence makes this a meeting of minds, too.
Verdict: He may have teamed up with the Avengers in the Marvel universe, but Spidey is a loner and relies on himself in a sticky situation. Meanwhile, Reed rarely steps out without his three teammates - the Thing, the Human Torch and the Invisible Woman - so flying solo could prove to be a failure for Mr Fantastic.
Star-Lord vs. Captain Malcolm Reynolds
With matching over-inflated egos, these loveable rogues wouldn’t be able to resist going a few rounds with one another if it came down to it. Captain Malcolm Reynolds and Star-Lord – aka Peter Quill – both welcome a good brawl if it means a handsome payout at the other end. Joss Whedon’s space cowboy protagonist doesn’t possess any super powers, but his time spent in the Independents army has prepared him for any fight. Star-Lord’s strengths lie in his combat skills and problem solving, making this a pretty even match.
Verdict: With his Guardians pals close at hand, Star-Lord’s supernatural posse would have the edge on Mal and his crew. But we’re sure Serenity’s Captain would give it his wise-cracking all to the bitter end.
Wonder Woman vs. Xena: Warrior Princess
This would be the ultimate warrior princess showdown. Xena and Wonder Woman are both skilled in martial arts and boast just as much muscular prowess as their male counterparts. Plus, these demigoddesses are immortal, and have endless time to come up with a strategic attack. But it’s their backgrounds that set them apart. While Wonder Woman carries Superman’s wholesome do-gooder attitude, Xena is seeking redemption for a ruthless past, which she turned around with the help of Hercules.
Verdict: While Xena can put a great distance between her and her enemies with a life-saving leap, Wonder Woman has the ability to fly - putting her several (air) miles ahead of the Warrior Princess.
Catwoman vs. Black Widow
Catwoman (Selina Kyle) and Black Widow (Natasha Romanova) both share a seductive yet deadly style when it comes to their fighting tactics. As an accomplished ballerina with espionage training, Black Widow uses stealth and psychological manipulation to get her enemies right where she wants them. Meanwhile, Catwoman’s gymnastic moves, retractable claws and nine lives (introduced in Batman Beyond) make for a deadly combination.
Verdict: As a regenerative being Catwoman has room to relax. Plus her nimble moves would make her a tricky target for Black Widow, whose trademark gun slinging could snatch one of those nine lives.
Blade vs. Angel
Angel and Blade both possess the traits of a brooding baddie, but instead these superheroes keep their fangs firmly in check to thwart the undead. Cursed with a soul by gypsies, Angel atones for his past by dusting demons in downtown LA. Meanwhile, in another universe across town, a leather-clad Blade – who was born with vampire abilities - blitzes the vamp population because, well he can. In the Marvel universe Blade loses his girlfriend during a vampire brawl, while Angel suffers a doomed romance with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Love really sucks for these two.
Verdict: Each hero is skilled in martial arts, has super strength and a killer bite, but Blade is a Daywalker and can go for stroll in the sun if he chooses. One step into the daylight and Angel would bite the dust.
Rocket vs. Howard the Duck
Don’t let their pint-sized proportions fool you; these super-creatures are a force to be reckoned with. In Guardians of the Galaxy, fans were treated to a delightfully dry and ego driven Rocket, whose witty dialogue stole the show. Meanwhile, Howard the Duck’s cinematic outing in 1986 was less than inspiring, and somewhat creepy. But this feathery superhero has a satirical place in the Marvel universe, with friends like Spidey to keep him afloat. Plus, Howard has clocked up a few heroic storylines, including an alliance with the Guardians of the Galaxy.
Verdict: While Howard is a master in Quack-Fu and owns an iron suit, Rocket has his oversized pal Groot and his Guardians crew to back him up. Not to mention some big-ass guns too.