There's a pinwheel on your ass. You try to run away but you're suddenly bombarded by two dozen pulsing blue diamonds. Quick, cut left - but don't get sucked in by the black hole that's inexplicably bright red. After a narrow escape to a relatively empty corner of the undulating, pinpoint-laden blue grid, you're abruptly annihilated by an explosion of what can only be described as electric sperm. If you think you're stuck in a nightmare, you're right - but when that nightmare is Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved, why would you want to be anywhere else?

Geometry Wars is an abstract homage to old-school, 2D shooters, a mix between the twin-joystick assault of Robotron: 2084 with the color vector graphics of Tempest. The double-stick control scheme enables you to move and fire in completely different directions, but the relentless swarms of neon enemies won't let you think about targeting - you'll need to blast everything everywhere, all the time. The more you shoot without dying, the higher the score multiplier goes, so feats of survival and score are one and the same. By the time you get to 50,000 points, the screen is ready to burst with dozens, if not hundreds, of day-glo death-dealers - and you don't even earn your first Achievement until you break 100,000.