2 - BMX XXX - Multiplatform

So you're developer Z-Axis, fresh off the success of Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX and the woefully underappreciated Aggressive Inline. What's next on your plate? How about BMX XXX, a game so purposely trashy that spokesman Mirra took legal action to make sure his name was never mentioned in the same sentence (including this one)?

It was supposed to build on the same ideas already established in the first two games - ride around typical "extreme" areas and bust out "mad trix" on your decked-out bike. But when that well started to dry, it's time for strippers, it's time for pimps, it's time for missions built around getting dogs laid. Then, to reward you for bothering to play the game at all, it treats you with real (gasp!) footage of girlies dancing around flashing their bells and whistles all over the place. Some versions were censored, others were left totally alone. Obviously, many retailers' heads exploded at the very idea and kicked the game out on its ass, so sales were predictably miniscule.

And right now, some kid is trying his hardest to find a copy. Please don't be that kid. Just go talk to a girl instead, you'll find it's much more gratifying.

Above: OMG teh zombs! Quick w/ a shirt plz teim 2 fight!

1 - Onechanbara - Multiplatform

While BMX XXX was a one-time fluke and well-learned mistake, the ongoing series Onechanbara refuses to offer anything other than mindless gameplay and plenty of skin. Imagine the ultra-repetitive combat from the Dynasty Warriors series somehow even duller yet totally slammed with excessive gore, cowboy hats and half-to-fully naked chicks. Even when looking at the provided screens you get two lower-back tattoo shots before actual gameplay. They really don't want anyone to notice how shallow and derivative the game is, so the best way to keep selling 'em is by loading up on blood-caked zombie hunter babes.

It's not just girls in this case - it's everything. Every single thing a dude wants (or so marketers believe) is in here. Even if you're not satisfied with the barely-there outfits, you can play dress-up and clothe the ladies however you want. Hell even the story just wants to move on to the girls - after a fresh shower and nothing but a towel on, you and your schoolgirl-dressed friend see zombies attacking. Better grab a sword and start killing them, and as sexily as possible. If they get covered with enough blood, they can morph into zombie forms of their own and, uh, swing the sword some more. If guys were into zombie chicks making out, it'd be in Onechanbara.

Guilty pleasure? Sure. Fun? Not really. If you replaced the bikini-clad zombabes with burly men, this series would've tanked on day one. As it is, Onechanbara has yet to officially appear in the US, even with publisher D3 working on the 360 version as we speak. Maybe boobs can't save everything after all.