Resident Evil Gaiden

(2002, Game Boy Color)

 

When looking at a franchise as prone to disastrous missteps as Resident Evil, how do you select just one game as the definitive "embarrassment"? Both Survivor (failed light gun shooter) and Outbreak (failed multiplayer experiment) are barely functioning messes... but both also earned sequels, so Capcom can't be too ashamed of them.

 

Resident Evil Gaiden, on the other hand, has "Uhh, we don't really know this guy" built right into its title, gaiden meaning "side story" in Japanese. We can understand why the publisher was so keen for distance. Wandering through 100 generic rooms in top-down perspective, searching for keys and killing pixelated vomit that is supposed to pass for zombies, is kinda the opposite of fun.

 

Plus, the game takes place on a luxury cruise ship. As terrified as we all are of middle-aged people singing karaoke and devouring shrimp buffets in khaki shorts and Tommy Bahama shirts, we wouldn't exactly label the ordeal "survival horror."