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The cheesiest videogame songs EVER

Pop ballads, hair metal and other ear-ripping tunes so bad you can’t stop listening

Words: Brett Elston, GamesRadar US

You’ll often hear about games lauded for their exceptional soundtracks. Some succeeded with NES-style bleeps, others had orchestral scores or fully licensed songs that lent credibility to a medium struggling to be more than a toy. These... are not those songs.

Please to enjoy the cheesiest, goofiest and all-around “oh my god”-iest songs in gaming.

Standout lyric: “The best in me is all I have to give”

How does a game with one of the most acclaimed soundtracks of all time make it onto a list like this? Simple answer – “I Am the Wind,” a Celine Dion-esque whisperfest that swoops in at the last second and nearly ruins an otherwise stunning album.

If the word “Awful” didn’t exist prior to 1997, we’d swear it was invented solely to describe this doctor’s office dreck.

Sneaky singers: Singer Cynthia Harrel, who softy wheezed “I Am the Wind,” went on to belt out “Snake Eater,” a Bond-ish epic for MGS3. GamesRadar ally and Joystiq contributor Randy Nelson crooned out the tune for us a couple of years ago – watch if you dare!

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “I Am the Wind.”





Standout lyric: “Stung by a force to protect the common man”

Spidey’s not exactly known for Megadeth-style shred guitar, but that’s precisely what you get in this surprisingly robust Sega CD gem. Right from the start you’re treated to Eric Martin (of Mr. Big fame) and “Swing Time,” an arena-rockin’ good time tune Jonah himself would have to smile at.

Listening to it is like being transported 15 years into the past, when a song like this could have easily headlined a misguided ‘90s Spidey flick. Instead we got “Hero” from Nickleback’s Chad Kroeger in 2002. Hm, we honestly prefer this. Bring on the big guns!

Virtual voice: The Sega CD version added lengthy animated cutscenes; omnipresent actor Cam Clarke provided several voices for the game, from police officers to Doc Ock himself. Here he’s playing a cop with the perfect “I’m in a movie!” line of “We have a lot to thank you for, Spider-Man!”

Wonder why he’s not credited on IMDB...

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “Swing Time.”





Standout lyric: “When I think of him I see no fear, feel no pain”

We’re hesitant to throw any flak at the GX/AX soundtrack. It’s a massive, 82-track collection of the blaring-est techno mixed with the softest acoustic jams, all the way back to rockabilly hoedowns. However, the songs that contain lyrics are so cheesy they ooze Velveeta out of the speakers.

Captain Falcon’s is the top pick, with lyrics that fall somewhere between “inspirational power ballad” and “creepy stalker girlfriend.”

Anime encore: F-Zero is unapologetically hardcore, with over the top everything. That extends into this outrageously awesome intro for F-Zero Densetsu. Hope you like your opening songs with three kinds of cheese: video game, anime and J-Rock.

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “Captain Falcon”





Standout lyric: “CLAY FIGHTER, CLAY-CLAY FIGHTER!”

Clay Fighter’s sole redeeming quality is that it proved Street Fighter II was worth parodying with an entire franchise of slapstick fighting games. In other words, this game showed just how culturally relevant SFII really was. And for whatever reason, they kicked it all off with an embarrassing theme song celebrating just how awesome they were.

If the synth guitar doesn’t kill you, the vocal breakdown 60 seconds in will.

Sculpted stars: Clay Fighter lived on with C2: Judgment Clay (parodying Terminator 2 three years late) and Clay Fighter 63 1/3 (poking fun at the N64’s naming convention). Virulent voice actors Frank Welker (Megatron), Rob Paulson (TMNT’s Raphael) and Dan Castellaneta (Homer) appeared in 63 1/3, either because they lost a bet or had a pile of bills stacking up.

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “Title Screen.”

Next page: Awesome anime plus the absolute worst game song of all time


 
67 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
mr_brightside  - 1 year 2 months ago 
lol first, good job guys
GamesRadarBrettElston  - 1 year 2 months ago 
I'll mention this on the podcast too, but real quick, the Clay Fighter song doesn't sound quite that awful on the SNES cart. Something happened with the recording.

It's still cheesy as hell though, and I simply had to have it on here.
gorillazbmx6  - 1 year 2 months ago 
I think Captain falcons is the cheesiest but it would have been the best song if there was a FALCON PAWNCH in there
bl00dyvalen7ine  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Awesomely bad
bl00dyvalen7ine  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Incredible Crisis reminded me of the theme from Kablam
skyguy343  - 1 year 2 months ago 
has anybody ever heard the fan-made Mega Man theme song?
skyguy343  - 1 year 2 months ago 
sucks that Rare is with Microsoft cuz now theres no possibility of a GOOD Donkey 64 remake
Holy Diver  - 1 year 2 months ago 
The song played during the first mission of Sonic Adventure 2 was cheesy too
Keilimanjaro  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Good stuff, although I'm surprised nothing from FFX-2 made the cut.
Cynwyddon  - 1 year 2 months ago 
The first time I heard the DK Rap was one of the defining moments of my childhood.
shinywaffles  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Man, I actually like some of these songs!
Hunter2458  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Totally Ignored The GOD ARM Theme T_T
Tochy  - 1 year 2 months ago 
my ears! *head explodes*
cd41  - 1 year 2 months ago 
... I think i just developed a brain tumor from listening to the clay fighters song...
Dameon Angell  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Yeah you guys completely missed two of the most epically cheesy songs from Sonic Adventure 2.

City Escape: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6NaZrPQGfY

And the Main Theme http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guptTJcBRSk

Comon, really, add these in, yo.
drprofessor  - 1 year 2 months ago 
the breakdown in clayfighter made me choke on a pizza flavored combo.
thanks guys. lol
NelosAngelos  - 1 year 2 months ago 
painful, I couldn't watch all of any of those videos.
Johnny6Gun  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Great feature!

You only missed Russian Roulette from Onimusha 2.
skyguy343  - 1 year 2 months ago 
City Escape from Sonic Adventure 2 was the bomb...yo
Xenath  - 1 year 2 months ago 
Seriously how'de you forget the god hand (an amazing game IMO) theme lol "Dragon kick your ass into the milky way" and "god hand keeps my pimp hand strong" that is really cheezy. Though I couldn't make it through the DK rap another time.....it's just horrible.
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