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Grand Theft Auto IV


Gaming's most murdered characters

From Nazis to ninjas, they're all addicted to death

Words: Dave Meikleham, GamesRadar UK

As killed in: BloodRayne, Call of Duty, Medal of Honour, Turning Point: Fall of Liberty, Wolfenstein 3D



Ah, the Nazis. The bastion of every good game that lets you shoot uniformed men in the face. If Hitler was born to keep history’s most kempt yet evil tache, then his virtual flunkies were created solely to swallow Uncle Sam’s bullets of democracy. Videogame Nazis love failure and getting killed more than they love efficient family hatchbacks.

As killed in: GTA III, Destroy all Humans Path of the Furon, Hitman: Blood Money, Mafia, The Darkness

Games have let us whack more Mafia hoods than the Sopranos, the Corleone family and Joe Pesci combined. We’ve torn out their beating hearts. And shut up hundreds of Italian faces with various anti-heroes. Don’t feel guilty either. We gamers are performing a valued service to society by viciously murdering such unrealistic, negative cultural stereotypes.

As killed in: Fatal Frame, Ghostbusters, Ghost Hunter, God of War II, Luigi’s Mansion, Pac-Man

In real life they might be content to gently haunt your attic or float through walls into women’s locker rooms. But in videogames they want to literally scare the life out of us. But we've always had the tools to send these spirits back to their final resting place - thank you Mr. Vacuum. We have never been and will never be afraid of no videogame ghost.

As killed in: Half-Life Episode 2, Goldeneye, Jaws Unleashed, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, Second Sight

Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. We really feel sorry for the pioneering white coats of games who perpetually seem to get caught in the crossfire. If they’d just start giving us those damned keycards and passwords, though, maybe we’d start aiming our bullets a little more closely at the balaclava-wearing baddies instead of their faces.



As killed in: Alien Vs. Predator, Area 51, the Halo series, Half-Life, Mass Effect, Resistance: Fall of Man

Screw ET and Close Encounters' gentle, note-playing visitors from another world. Any in-game alien we see is an affront to everything humanity stands for and must be killed. We’ve culled the Chimera’s numbers and told H.R. Giger’s finest to “get away from her you bitch!” with pulse rifles for years. Why make peace with another race when you can blow them to pieces?



As killed in: Gears of War 2, Lost Planet: Extreme Condition, Mass Effect, Worms



Cut a normal worm in half and it’ll go about its day like nothing happened. Sneeze on a giant space worm and it’ll crumble in a ruined heap. We blame the Empire Strikes Back for creating a generation of generic blind goliaths and lazy developers for making them so ludicrously killable.



As killed in: Killzone, Manhunt, the Metal Gear series, every Star Wars game ever

Wear a mask, helmet or balaclava in a game and there’s a 97% chance you’re evil and a 99% probability you’ll end up brutally murdered at the hands of a hero in a tank top. We’ve slit an army of balaclava-clad throats, so take our advice. If you ever find yourself as a videogame baddie: wear a scarf to keep the cold out instead.

As killed in: Dynasty Warriors: Gundam, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, the Ratchet & Clank series, Star Wars KOTOR



Death seems to be best friends with the metal men in our medium. With most owing their origins to the school of HAL-influenced lunacy and less to Johnny Number Five’s heroic intolerance for civil disobedience; almost every one is the enemy and must be destroyed. They’re continually compelling computerised cannon fodder.

Feb 24, 2009


The Top 7... Game bad guys you didn't want to kill
The gaming murders that left a bad taste in our mouth



2008: A year to dismember
Are videogames getting gorier? Watch our limb-wrenching video to find out!




 
53 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
John-117  - 9 months 11 days ago 
Best part of this article is the Johnny 5 reference. God I love that movie more than I really should.

Funny article, keep this stuff a comin'.
Conco  - 9 months 11 days ago 
Bowser is in the legend of Zelda? screw-up i guess, and for the rest really amusing, especially the terrorists
FierceDeity  - 9 months 11 days ago 
yeah i'm pretty sure bowser isnt in zelda
nice article though
Auron  - 9 months 11 days ago 
Bowser is totally a terrorist, he's carrying bombs underneath his shell.

And also The Overlord has lots of sheep killing in it too.
GamesRadar_MattCundy  - 9 months 11 days ago 
Bowser/Mario f-up fixed.
BlackKraken  - 9 months 11 days ago 
Btw, cutting a worm in half does actually kill it. The movement is just its death throes which last a while.
(Sry for being pedantic)
Good article :)
Clownsarescary  - 9 months 11 days ago 
How about gamings least murdered characters? Women n' babies!
Xplosive59  - 9 months 11 days ago 
you are feeling very sadistic this week GR


ReCaptcha: Eat Harmsworth
Sash  - 9 months 11 days ago 
You forgot the sheep in Overlord. Otherwise keep making the fun articles.
hot_heart  - 9 months 11 days ago 
It's not murder, it's self defence!
Unoriginal  - 9 months 11 days ago 
Why must we always kill the aliens?
Shoot first, communicate later.

ReCAPTCHA: Was remembered
Who?
CoD_22  - 9 months 11 days ago 
gr: you know how you did that article on why licensed kiddie games suck? you should do 1 on why platformers are always awesome! its true though, name 1 bad platformer?! i cant think of any...
Thequestion 121  - 9 months 11 days ago 
Great article. Nazis and Robots are meant to be destroyed.
frag  - 9 months 11 days ago 
sheeps are evil dude! If u don't kill 'em, you end up in deep sheep!!!!
lava_lamp  - 9 months 11 days ago 
you forgot Counter Strike for terrorists
Rad_Bracket  - 9 months 11 days ago 
The bad guys in CoD4 weren't terrorists they where just whereverstan's army.
MajorMedic  - 9 months 11 days ago 
I also remember killing Sheep in Oblivion.
AMayer  - 9 months 11 days ago 
Too true, too true...
NelosAngelos  - 9 months 11 days ago 
Lol, poor scientists, the power of religion shall compel you!! And I think Nazis are put into almost every damned shooter in the world these days as a way to just repeatedly "get back" at them or something like that. Also, I don't think I've ever mass murdered worms before...eh, soemthing to shoot for.
Jimmyjammy  - 9 months 11 days ago 
Eh...there's nothing wrong with this article, but I am feeling a sense of deja vu. Hasn't this already been covered in a top 7 at some point? If not this definitely isn't the first time this has been mentioned in a GR article.

Personally my favourite kind of articles are the in-depth ones: 'How Gordon Freeman is the deepest game character', 'Portal is full of feminest theories' those sort of ones. I also really enjoyed that one on artistic downloadable games recently. These are the things you guys do best.

Also, has anyone heard of mid-30's spitting? Apparantly recaptcha has.
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