THE ULTIMATE

I Wanna Be The Guy: The Movie The Game
Hack of: Ummm... everything

We had to squeeze this irritating prick of a game in here, even if it may not technically be a hacked rom. Rather than simply re-skinning a single title, or clumsily assembling a two-player dick joke, evil genius Kayin Nasaki cobbles together several cartridge-spanning years worth of memorable levels, characters and music then synthesizes into a platformer all its own.

Left: A typical IWBTG level
Top Right: The Kid! (wants to be The Guy)
Bottom Right: Want to play the game on Medium difficulty? You’ll have to spend the entire game adorned with a humiliating pink bow.

Now for the bad news. This game hates you. It loathes you and it wants you to die. A lot. I Wanna Be The Guy isn’t a so much for hardcore fans, as it’s for hardcore gamers, almost exclusively. You know the type: Those peeps who memorize every pattern, can’t quit without an S-ranking and absolutely have to score 1000G worth of Achievements in every game. If none of those describe you, you’ll likely be alienated from the get go.

That’s not to say IWBTG is without a fanbase. A quick Youtube search will reveal an equal amount of speed runs and lengthy failures, usually narrated by nerdy screams of agony in the face of its blatant cruelty. Nearly everything in the environment is hair-triggered for insta-death. You can spend hours learning a level only to get unfairly cut down at the end, by rocket-propelled spike or one of the many, many (many) booby traps. Then you start over...

Sure you’re given the olive branch of a nifty wall and double jump, but your firearm discharges a round the size of a single pixel, with nary a weapon upgrade in sight. So, what makes IWBTG playable? The cameos, of course. Even the most maddening level is strewn with shout-outs the average aged gamer won’t be able to look away from. “Goddammit! Fu... is that Kirby? Awwww...”

But before you let the familiar faces get you all misty-eyed, be warned that they’re the furthest thing from happy to see you. Mike Tyson punches through the ground beneath you, a giant green Zangief shots missiles made of, uh, Blanka, and the Master Sword effing kills you. Hell, even apples are deadly to the touch. But there’s still nothing quite like blasting through a school of Cheep-Cheeps in a mine cart while the Moon theme from Ducktales wails in the background. Ahhh, we’re old.

Try it. We dare you. Download it here for free and see just how difficult it is to be The Guy.

If you're looking for more unlicensed mayhem, click here to see the world's best counterfeit games.

Apr 2, 2008