One of the things that make Family Guy so riotously funny is how the salty jokes come fast and furious over the span of each half-hour episode. Stretch those same laughs over 8 hours or so of generally humdrum gaming, and the whole affair gets diluted to the point where fans will find themselves reaching for the DVDs instead of the game controller. Oafish dumbass dad Peter takes a hard one to the noggin and becomes convinced that the citizens of Quahog are disguised henchmen of TV's Mr. ...
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26 Oct 2006

Justice League Heroes

Xbox Review

The crown jewels of DC Comics (along with Hawkgirl) are set to invade your console in an all-new action RPG. Justice League Heroes takes Snowblind Studios' gameplay formula (previously used in fantasy settings) and transposes it onto some of the mightiest heroes in DC Comics (along with Green Arrow). The results are solid, but unspectacular. It's a fun game for one or two players, but not quite up to the heroic and epic nature of the Justice League. Snowblind Studios has been making the same ...
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25 Oct 2006

Reservoir Dogs

Xbox Review

Before we start talking about Reservoir Dogs, there are a few things you should know. First, you won't saw the ears off any cops - at least not on camera. Second, the game isn't a Grand Theft Auto clone. Third, of all the actors whose careers were jump-started by the iconic 1992 crime flick, only Michael Madsen (Mr. Blonde) appears in the game. And fourth, you can't just shoot undercover cop Mr. Orange at the beginning to win the game. Rather than straight-up adapting the film about career ...
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25 Oct 2006

Destroy All Humans! 2

Xbox Review

The laser toting, insult slinging alien Cryptosporidium 138 returns to make war - not love - in Pandemic's Destroy All Humans! 2. The game takes place during the psychedelic '60s and begins with Cryptos enjoying the spoils of victory from his successful takeover of the American government in the previous title. Horny as ever, Cryptos is just about to break in his newly formed genitalia - thanks to the human DNA you harvested in the previous game - when a Russian missile destroys his mothership ...
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19 Oct 2006

Ford Bold Moves Street Racing

Xbox Review

Ford Bold Moves Street Racing may tempt you with its low retail price of $19.99, but racing fans should steer clear of this clunky lemon. You cant expect the best from a bargain title like this, but the game still fails to deliver any bang for your buck with clumsy controls, poor damage detection, repetitive gameplay, and generic tracks. Bold Moves lets you drive 18 licensed Ford vehicles. However, your driving experience will be equally bad no matter which car you choose. Whether youre ...
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12 Oct 2006

Scarface: The World is Yours

Xbox Review

Everyone always knew Tony Montana was one tough hombre - but strong enough to survive the famous attack on his mansion? Last time we saw the Cuban drug lord, he was knee deep in blow and bullets, and his life appeared to be finito. However, in Scarface: The World Is Yours, our antihero has emerged none the worse for wear. He's as bad-ass as ever: a coke-dealing, woman-chasing, f-bomb-dropping son of a bitch hell-bent on reclaiming what he feels is still ...
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12 Oct 2006

Mortal Kombat: Armageddon

Xbox Review

Did gaming ever really get better after you first took control of icy ninja Sub-Zero and ripped out Scorpion's spine? Yes, yes it did - and it seemed for a while there that Mortal Kombat didn't notice. The last few chapters in the sloppy fighting game saga piled on more and more stuff without actually making it noticeably more fun than the old days. But the ominously titled Armageddon - the last entry in the series until it reinvents itself on next-gen consoles, according to its creators - ...
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10 Oct 2006

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07

Xbox Review

When you consider just how simple the basic premise of golf is - knocking a ball into a hole with a stick - the degree of hidden complexity is pretty amazing. This perennial offering takes heat for not changing a hell of a lot from year to year, and it's got more than its fair share of irritants, but familiarity doesn't necessarily equal stagnation. Certainly it's disappointing to see EA continue to spend time on needlessly detailed player creation and libraries of hats, shirts, sunglasses, ...
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9 Oct 2006

NBA 2K7

Xbox Review

The saying goes "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." We're pretty sure that's the attitude of the folks at 2K Sports this year, at least when it comes to their current-gen hoops title NBA 2K7. While some of the ancillary modes are expanded, and the online options shine brightly, the on-court gameplay remains virtually unchanged from last year. That's not necessarily a bad thing, of course, but gamers may have reason to pause when they mull over their decision to re-up for another year on the ...
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9 Oct 2006

FIFA 07

Xbox Review

The success and failure of a mans soccer team is akin to life and death - as the club goes, so he goes. While the World Cup is a quadrennial exercise in nationalism, nothing is more ingrained in the daily lives of billions of males around the globe than their favorite clubs fortunes. Whether its England, Germany, Spain, or any of dozens of other nations, wins, losses, and scandals are the stuff that sells tabloids every week. EA Sports FIFA 07 gets off of the world stage and back to the ...
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