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May 30, 2006

The Da Vinci Code

Xbox Review

How's this for a deep, dark conspiracy: we think a secret society seeks to make crappy games out of intriguing book and movie licenses. When we uncover the identities of any of the members, we're going to strap them down and force them to play through The Da Vinci Code for themselves. As in the bestselling book and box-office powerhouse, American professor Robert Langdon and French cryptologist Sophie Neveu stumble into a murder investigation at the Louvre; a cryptic string of clues leads ...
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Nov 27, 2006

Dance Dance Revolution Ultramix 4

Xbox Review

The revolution is far from over, it seems. For a franchise that took forever to reach our shores, DDR has become one of the most prolific game series in North America, hitting every platform under the sun and getting a generation weaned on videogames up out of their chairs and jumping around like ...
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Jun 22, 2007

Darkwatch

Xbox Review

We all make mistakes while trying to make our way through this crazy world of ours. So we can empathize with Darkwatch hero, Jericho Cross when his well-intentioned train robbery goes awry and gets him bitten by a Vampire Lord, turning him into a blood-thirsty creature of the night. It could happen to any of ...
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Mar 2, 2006

Dead or Alive Ultimate

Xbox Review

There's no shame in liking the pretty ladies of Dead or Alive. Well, okay, there is (after all, we're talking about lusting after artfully arranged oversized polygons) but at least you're not alone. And whether you're a serious fighting game fan or you just ... like to watch, Dead or Alive Ultimate lives up to its name. With the release of the Dead or Alive Ultimate, Tecmo makes the Xbox the one-stop shop for all things DOA; now the entire series is represented on one console. This two-disc ...
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Dec 14, 2004

Dead or Alive Ultimate

Xbox Review

Despite looking soft, warm and expensive, girls are secretly very violent. All fluttering eyelashes, teasing necklines and fruit-smelling hair - but so much as think of commenting on their figure, and there'll be a fist against your throat before you can say 'doghouse'. Dead Or Alive Ultimate is a tribute to that lady-violence; this being the ultimate in the Dead Or Alive games series, all dedicated to the allure of busty girls hurting each other.DOAU is a two-disc compilation, and a spanky one ...
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Mar 24, 2006

Destroy All Humans

Xbox Review

Destroy All Humans is a loving-but-edgy, action game spoof of all those cheesy B-movies about giant space brains descending upon 1950s surburbia... played from the point of view of the invader. It's often funny and comes packing a full variety of worthy gameplay ideas, most of which revolve around gleefully wanton destruction. But in the end, the invasion is just a few death rays short of world domination. As the Furon warrior Cryptosporidium 137, you have been sent to Earth to harvest human ...
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Oct 25, 2006

Destroy All Humans! 2

Xbox Review

The laser toting, insult slinging alien Cryptosporidium 138 returns to make war - not love - in Pandemic's Destroy All Humans! 2. The game takes place during the psychedelic '60s and begins with Cryptos enjoying the spoils of victory from his successful takeover of the American government in the previous title. Horny as ever, Cryptos is just about to break in his newly formed genitalia - thanks to the human DNA you harvested in the previous game - when a Russian missile destroys his mothership ...
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Jun 22, 2007

Doom 3

Xbox Review

Who would have thought that anything bad could happen from mixing the occult and ancient alien technology? It's up to you, Space Marine, to thwart the invasion from a Hell dimension that has started on a Mars research station and threatens to spread to Earth. Theres no disputing that Doom 3 has some of the prettiest graphics ever on the PC, showing some of the ugliest monsters ever to throw fireballs at your head. The creatures that stalk you in the darkness are pretty terrifying if you hold ...
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Apr 19, 2006

Doom 3: Resurrection of Evil

Xbox Review

If you scare easily, Doom 3: Resurrection of Evil can be a heart-pounding experience. But if it takes more than dark corridors and monsters jumping out of corners to make you sweat the cold stinky sweat of fear, Nerve Software's expansion pack quickly becomes a tedious trek through "Been-There-Ville." The story is about as creative as Doom gets: It's two years after the events of Doom 3 and you're part of a Marine force sent in to trace a homing beacon from deep in the facility. Soon enough, ...
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Apr 5, 2005

Doom 3: Resurrection of Evil

Xbox Review

Doom 3 - if it were a Prime Minister, it would definitely be John Major. Well, John Major if he looked like George Clooney, and worshipped Satan. Are we confusing you? Sorry - we'll start again.Doom 3 is as 'Back to Basics' a first-person shooter as it's possible to imagine. It's a claustrophobically linear corridor shooter packed to the rafters with more Satanism, gore and demonic imagery than a Hammer Horror double bill.Sinister mega-corporation UAC is beavering away on some radical new ...
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