Hmm, all quiet in this area 

BLOOORRRRRRGGGGGPPHHTT! 

Super-vampire Kain, from the amazingly dead Legacy of Kain series, begins the game with the ability to stealth kill enemies with his bare hands. Just sneak up behind them as ethereal mist, then punch a hole through their chest. Once it’s removed, Kain drops it to the floor, where it flickers and disappears like every good Double Dragon enemy.

Aw… crap 

Irony strikes back though, with Soul Reaver star Raziel pulling Kain’s own heart out during Legacy of Kain: Defiance. Thank all the deities in the omniverse for nosgoth.net, who had an image ready so we didn’t have to play all the way through:

After throwing 20, 30 thousand holy waters at Dracula in Castlevania’s final battle, poor ol’ Simon Belmont is saddled with a curse that can only be lifted by resurrecting Drac, and then killing him again. Thing is, Dracula’s eye, rib, nail, ring and heart have been scattered throughout the land, and blah blah blah you end up trading an oak stake for his heart in a creepy mansion. That’s his heart up there in Simon’s inventory, second from the left.

Once you bring him back to life, you kill him all over again, which somehow is “for reals” this time. Don’t ask us how a ring counts as “remains,” because we don’t know either.

 

Veering slightly off topic for one entry, the heart found in this angel’s quiver is neither anatomically correct nor is it removed by force. It’s actually the total opposite, as it’s a cartoony depiction we’ve otherwise avoided in this article. However, it’s still used to kill hundreds of monsters in this tale of a god returning to power, so that’s worth making an exception.

Plus Actraiser is effing badass. Download it off the Virtual Console tonight.

Plenty of human innards decorate the halls of Doom, though for now we’re only interested in the plethora of human hearts placed on identical pedestals. Pretend it’s your own beaten, battered heart and use that rage to press onward through floor after floor of fire-belching demons. Or, muster up the courage to ask one of them out. Either way.

No mention of hearts, antagonistic or otherwise, would be complete without Kano’s original MK fatality. Right up there with Sub-Zero’s head-complete-with-spine finisher, Kano’s final move was one of the most gruesome scenes you’d find in a ‘90s arcade.

First the windup… 

If beating the last drops of blood out of these killer hearts isn’t therapeutic enough for you, there are plenty of other games that are cheaper than therapy.

Got any more? Share ‘em in the comments below.

Feb 12, 2009

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