P.N. 03

Loved by: Nintendo Editor Brett Elston

Here lies the ultimate proof that sex sells. The moment sexbot Vanessa Schneider fires her first plasma shot and waggles her perfectly toned hips, you're hooked. It doesn't matter that, despite her alluring figure, she handles like a pregnant whale. It doesn't matter that the game's white-on-white, sterile environments are like a constant psychological test for eyeball insanity. All that matters is that you keep shooting and Vanessa keeps dancing to the beat.

Based somewhere in the sexiest part of the galaxy, Vanessa runs around solving mysteries. Or something. Maybe she fights robots in never-ending corridors that all look the same. Who cares? With all this trancy-trippy music playing and Vanessa's vivacious cartwheeling around incoming missiles, we're willing to forgive the repeating rooms, the generic enemies and crap controls.

Above: Screen shots do not matter. There is only Vanessa

The only real reward for trudging through level after identical level is the ability to dress Vanessa in increasingly revealing power suits. Sure, they may increase her shot power, or let her shoot automatically instead of requiring constant mashing of the fire button, but it's all about looks. And we were compelled to find them all. Style over substance, baby.

It may be repetitive and unrewarding gameplay, but we couldn't stop blasting 'bots until we'd seen every pose, every costume and every foot-tapping jig Vanessa had to offer. If there were a score for wasted potential, P.N. 03 would get a 10.

"I was looking forward to this so hard that I refuse to acknowledge how boring it is." - Brett