The film: The Wizard

The couple: Corey and Haley, two plucky youngsters brought together by money, videogames and a fondness for the mentally challenged. Also, cheesy 1980s dialogue and equally cheesy 1980s hairdos. Played, respectively, by the director of Daddy Day Camp and the lead singer of Rilo Kiley.

The moment of horror: Hedgehogs humping humans. Frogs mating with royalty. Badly textured robots drooling over waxy lipped mannequins. Canoodling corpses and citywide orgies. As much as we cringe at the sight of all these moments, none compare to the revolting power of young love.

Sonic, after all, is nothing but a voice and smattering of pixels. He can only do so much harm. Fred Savage and Jenny Lewis, on the other hand, are all too real... flesh-and-blood actors teetering terrifyingly between childhood and adulthood, assaulting your senses with a thousand awkward glances and precocious gestures within a single minute. Are we disgusted by the silly Nintendo dialogue and hammy Hollywood acting, or by the unsettling familiarity to this time in all of our lives? We don’t even want to know.

Feb 9, 2009

The Top 7... Damsels You Don’t Want to Save
Forget chivalry. These ladies deserve distress

Videogame Valentines
Say it to your sweetheart with witty gaming cards instead of Hallmark crap

The Top 7... Blue Ball Moments
The adventure may be over, but where's our happy ending?