Hometown: Los Santos

Favorite quote: "Respect my stroll!"

Stephen's critique: Quite alluring, were it not for the fact that she's got a dude's head. Stringy peach bikinus ­ check! Leather demi-briefs ­ check! Darth Vader attack boots ­ check! Disturbing he-she fizog ­ ahhhkk!

Hometown: Las Venturas

Favorite quote: "Ooh, I love me some chronic."

Stephen's critique: Suitable for group play, or one very hungry individual, this big-bucket of strumpet is family sized. She's managed to shoehorn her appendages into a plastic hoist of some description, while her ponderous booty plays tug-of-war with a wisp of a skirt. Gather 'round, there's plenty for everyone.

Hometown: Vice City

Favorite quote: "No money, no funny bunny, honey."

Stephen's critique: A minimal, '80s take on prostitutional couture. With a nod to Robert Palmer's "Addicted To Love," this ghetto girl's stripped it right back to the essentials. With a barely-there bra and a whisper of a skirt, only the addition of motorbike bootery saves the look from being simply too rude. She appears a bit old in the close-up, but that can be overlooked.

Hometown: Los Santos

Favorite quote: "My pimp really loves me."

Stephen's critique: With a gob like a scythe wound and a hairstyle like a broken vase, the only thing we'd call this call-girl is bastard-nasty. If, however, you get off on the niche "Joker as a chick" market, you might appreciate the sidesaddle, Scottish dishcloth skirt and the "I'm a little teapot" posture.