Conker: Live and Reloaded

You devious son of a bitch, box. You promised me woman, explosions, grizzly bears! And now I’m tediously flicking through menus in a glorified micro management sim. That’s right, some covers like to oversell the experience of their actual game. Screw giving potential players an accurate depiction of what the title’s about, there’s bi-quarterly sales figures to hit.

There are several sure-fire ways to check for heroic DNA in a video game character. An addiction to wearing tank tops (the more torn the better). Crew cuts so kempt you could grate cheese on their craniums. But the one thing sewn into the heart of every true hero’s genetic makeup is an unwavering talent for saving the girl.

Above: Not a hero (we’re assuming the racoon’s a chick)

Sure, it might be a bit sexist,

Death and video games go together like a big heart attack-baiting burger and an extra five slices of cheddar. But just because they’re the best of mates, it doesn’t mean certain characters should go looking for the Grim Reaper through their own reckless actions. Sadly, that’s exactly want the following group of death-wishers all do. And whether it’s through their own stupidity, being huge wimps or just dying in embarrassing fashion, these guys