Soulcalibur IV

Anything that accentuates the male scrotal evil is automatically evil. Like ‘Hitler on a bad moustache day’ evil. Because the human Johnson is clearly an inherently terrible thing, it should be concealed at all times, only be broken out under extreme circumstances. Perhaps, if you need to tie a rope around it to pull a car with, in order to break some sort of World’s Strongest Wang record.

That’s why, simply put, the following banana hammock-harbouring characters deserve nothing less than virtual vasectomies.

Boob physics = misogyny? Not necessarily

In the context of a game, Achievements and Trophies are harmless. They're just carrot-dangling tactics that we're happy to indulge for our greedy pursuit of intangible virtual rewards. We wouldn't think twice about nail-bombing a kitten orphanage if it meant five more gamer points.

But, let's say, purely for the purposes of this here article, that we take Achievements and Trophies out of their virtual world settings and reconsider them

Any old Tom, Dick or Harry with a comprehensive grip of computer programming and loads of money-men friendly ideas can spew forth a game that’ll sell a shit-load of copies. With that in mind, and a science stick gripped in one hand, we’ve come up with full-proof calculations on how to make the perfect moolah-making game for most of the major genres. Below you’ll find the perfect titles that’ll make any suit sully his

Sometimes, games are so good we say they're 'good enough to eat'. That's usually not strictly true, of course - DVDs, Blu-Ray discs and the human mouth do not mix. But what if games were turned into candy bars? Now there's an idea.

If our Photoshop attempts are anything to go by, there's a huge market of untapped potential just waiting for some entrepreneur to take a lucrative bite. Just try not to dribble on the keyboard,

Strange, unusual, and utterly bloody ridiculous. 

The human form really is a beautiful thing – provided you spend 6 hours daily in the gym and exist solely on Ryvita. If not, it’s something to be covered up, ashamed of and never discussed. Sadly, many developers have no such qualms with nude, fleshy parts. They see games as the perfect forum to roll out a bit of man boob action and unappealing, exposed ass flesh.

Got a strong stomach? The following collection of bloated

You wouldn’t think that soft mounds of flesh would provide a stable foundation for anything. And yet, these videogame franchises have built their houses atop just such rollicking hillocks of... oh, forget it. Just watch the video. Fair warning: it might be NSFW, depending on what you consider S in your place of W.

You know, we've been playing with Ivy for almost exactly eight years now. And yet every time we play, we're still taken aback by quite how big her boobs are. Ivy is a Big Girl. So, seeing as her boobs seem to be getting bigger with each new game, we thought we should examine them in more detail. 

We were going to go with science. You know, to work out exact things they were as big as, the ratio of boob size to head size

The requisite opening taunts are out of the way and the players hold perfectly still, beads of sweat forming on furrowed brows while white knuckles clutch brightly colored joysticks. The intensity, the sheer focus could suffocate a small mammal.