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Above: Hip bustin' a groove in his profile picture
What we wrote on his profile: "S'up? I be Mike 'Hip' Hoppington. You may call me the 'Hipster' if you so choose. I'm a part-time dancer who enjoys breaking into spontaneous bouts of hip hop/impromptu brawls that involve throwing other hip hop artists into furniture. When I'm not cutting loose with some fresh tunes, I'm physically cutting men up with a variety of elaborate mixed martial arts kicks. I'm trained in over four disciplines and I can't beat a brother silly as easy as I can get down to some chilled out R & B beats.
What am I looking for in a special lady friend? Loyalty, first and foremost. I want a woman who'll support me through thick and thin. Whether I want an extra pair for when I break into freestyle raps at a moment's notice or when I'm getting in at three in the morning after getting my wisdom teeth knocked out. I don't want to be judged for the lifestyle I keep and I won't judge back in return. So, if you like a man with fresh musical tastes, a buff upper body... and you don't mind washing blood out of his hair every so often, then I'm your guy. Hit me up with a message. Now!"
Above: Hoppington taking a time-out to scratch his unmentionables (i.e. junk)
The email we got from the dating site telling us Mike's profile pic had be taken down:
Unfortunately, the Hipster's advert didn't generate much interest among the XX chromosome crowd. We did get the nice email above from the dating site, though. We don't see what all the fuss was about, really. Only 38% of our profile pic was totally doctored. And we'll stand by those kinds of odds.
A bit of background info on Mike:
C'mon ladies. As of writing this our profile has yet to be pulled. We'll admit Mike is a bit of a rough diamond in need of a good polishing, but he's clearly got a sensitive side as demonstrated above. Why not take a chance on him? You won't regret it... much.
Above: Miss Eagle's profile pic
What we wrote on her profile: "Hey all. I'm Edna an amateur golfer who enjoys nothing more than obsessing over balls. Inspired by my hero, Open winner Paul Lawrie, I took up the sport of golf semi-professionally a few years ago. During that time I have won several low profile tournaments. The highlight of my career, so far, was defeating a former Woman's Open champion on the front nine at Turnberry just yesterday.
An avid student of the game, I spend most of my time analyzing all facets of the sport I love. Sucking up the history, thrusting through pages of pro golfing tips, spewing forth famous golf quotes; it's what I live for. I'm not exactly skinny (my golfing coach has me on a strict and loaded protein-rich diet). But I make up for it with an upper body that has the strength to knock balls over a hundred yards in the air, but is gentle enough to slowly insert them into a tight hole."
If you've not guessed from my generous use of thinly veiled innuendo, I need a man. Fast. I've been wise with my prize money, so moolah is not an issue. That means you'll never have to worry about paying those bills on dates, boys (or your steak not getting finished). So, if you think you can handle a big-boned and big-hearted lady golfer who doesn't mind landing in the rough, then I might just let you land my hole in one."
The emails Edna Eagle received from one persistent chap:
And here was us thinking romance was dead. Despite stating we were '45, heavy and willing to settle' one user just wouldn't leave us alone. Our blatant Photoshoppery depicting a near disfigured games character seemingly wasn't enough to put him off. He even sent the lovely Edna this:
We're currently debating over whether we should go steady with him or not.
July 10, 2009
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