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World Cup 2010: Beckham's movie reviews

 

Why so serious Becks? Arnie’s puns doing your head in? Or is it the result...gulp.

Next: Liz vs Posh [page-break]

 

Will England be eye-wateringly good as Liz or as ear-bleedingly bad as Posh?

Next: Spidey 2 vs Spidey 3 [page-break]

 

Too many villains ruined it didn’t they Becks? You only need one baddie. Just ask Rob Green.

Next: Heat vs Righteous Kill [page-break]

 

A brilliant double-act on paper, Pacino and DeNiro come over all Gerrard and Lampard in Righteous Kill.

Next: The Droids vs Jar-Jar [page-break]

 



What’s that Becks? You don’t like Jar-Jar? He’s making your poor little ears bleed? Let’s turn him off then eh? There. All better.

Next: David vs Edward [page-break]

 

This new breed of vampire is all style over substance eh Dave? Plenty of hype with nothing much backing it up…sounds familiar.

Next: 3D Past vs 3D Present [page-break]

 

Jaws 3D? Oh Becks, you’d have more fun giving the Algeria game a second watch!

Next: Craig vs Lazenby [page-break]

 

Capello seems to have gone from no-nonsense tough-guy to miscast no-mark in a matter of weeks.

Next: Vinnie vs Vinnie [page-break]

 

Duff footballer in entertaining caper= good. Duff footballer in awful car-crash=bad. Where will big Emile find himself this afternoon?

Next: Costner vs Crowe [page-break]

 

It was a lot more fun in the nineties eh Becks?

Next: Salma vs Showgirls [page-break]

 

The sexy football from qualification seems like a distant memory. Get it right this afternoon chaps, or global ridicule awaits.

Next: Indy 1,2 & 3 vs Indy 4 [page-break]

 

Or maybe it's just time to retire. Sometimes it's best to hang up your boots before things get a bit, well...shit.
 

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Total Film

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