Wii Music

These are the Top 7... games we hate because they make us feel like awkward, self-conscious dicks when we're playing them. Screw these games. Assholes.

Every single game ever made wants your character dead. Well, unless it’s got dancing babies on its box or it’s trying to lose you weight by forcing you to swing your arms around like a twat. With that in mind, we thought it might be helpful to give you a guide on how to spot impending video game danger. After you’ve brushed up on our exhaustive guide, which covers every sure-fire sign of peril from ominous music to

Contrary to what you might think, E3 isn’t all brilliant new games, booth babes and free beer. A lot of the time the biggest, best and most exciting games event on the planet is actually as dull and hope-dashing as a Sony graph-led press conference. And whether it’s dealing with console delays or waiting in a line (with enough BO to erode titanium) to play Wii Sports, the history of the event has been riddled with letdowns. So to

When he started sharing his idea of an orchestra playing music from videogames, people thought the veteran composer Tommy Tallarico was off his rocker. It took him three years to convince publishers and developers that he was sane. “Imagine me making a call to Taito in Japan, asking them for the rights for the score of [1983 arcade hit] Elevator Action. “I’d like to play the theme tune to the game at the Hollywood Bowl with the Los Angeles Philharmonic. Hello... hello?’”

Just a few weeks ago we celebrated the very best of 2008 with our Platinum Chalice Awards.Today though, we must temper our merriment with disdain and head-sagging shame, for these are the moments that truly made our stomachs turn.

Hear that noise? Sounds kind of like a baby strangling a kitten? Yeah, that’s the sound of this season’s hottest new Nintendo title, aptly titled Wii Music. Using futuristic waggle-motions, you conduct Miis to your favorite public domain songs. And all in the high-fidelity sound format of MIDI. One minute with this future toy and we went apeshit. But did you know you can play Wii Music anywhere?

 After a long two-week absence, Shane Patterson rejoins the crew just in time to celebrate TalkRadar’s 18th birthday. With our podcast finally old enough to vote, buy cigarettes and go to the mall by itself, we briefly put aside our usual yammering for a weirdly serious talk about the ethics of software piracy.

Mario is a cultural phenomenon. Final Fantasy is epic. Resident Evil, Fallout, Diablo... all of these classic franchises will eventually be tossed away, but they won't be stamped with expiration dates anytime in the foreseeable future.

Other franchises started growing mold before they even left the grocery store shelves.

The somehow-less-inspired franchises may sell millions, contain lovable

Another year, another grueling E3 experience for all involved. As press, we have to be in constant motion, reading, writing and presenting all the information that's blasted at our eyes and ears. As readers, you're tasked with digesting an ocean of content in 72 constantly updated hours. It's a hell of a ride and we're glad to be at the end, especially given the rather dismal nature of this year's show.

Instead of wasting your weekend

So E3's finally over for another year (for ever?) and we're left with tired eyes, full notebooks and - if you're a Nintendo fan - empty hearts. But how can we possibly sum up the mass of data in one easy-to-digest article? Easy. We convert all the game data into sexy pie charts and give you the whole show in graphic form. Go on, try a slice.