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Jun 22, 2007

G1 Jockey Wii [import]

Wii Review

G1 Jockeys release is a byproduct of you and seven million other Wii owners reaching out for new games with your fourteen million clasping game-hands. G1 Jockey comes recommended because of its neat career mode structure. You get to choose from a list of horses for each race, make decisions based on characteristics - which are presented as an intuitive list of light-up tabs and then see first-hand if you made the right choice as you straddle your decision while it pounds around a ...
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Jun 22, 2007

Bionicle Heroes

Wii Review

Developer Traveller's Tales has had an almost unreasonable amount of success translating LEGO blocks into successful game franchises. Despite what some would say, the much beloved blocks even gave the ailing Star Wars franchise a much needed shot in the arm. So it's a sad thing indeed that they've failed to provide the same treatment for LEGO's original property Bionicles, on a system desperate for solid ...
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Jun 22, 2007

Mercury Meltdown Revolution

Wii Review

Spiritualists and healers in the Far East who used to attribute mercury with healing properties would have been run out of town if theyd cited this game as evidence. After a few levels on Mercury Meltdown Revolution, theyd have been ready to club each other to painful death with a ritualistic bell, only realizing too late how damaging and toxic this slippery little element can be. Specifically, this is the first game to make us actually throw the Wii remote hard at the wall in real ...
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Jun 22, 2007

The Ant Bully

Wii Review

You know the drill: games based on movies tend to bite. The thinking here seems to be that younger children don't yet possess fully functioning crap filters, and are therefore more likely to squeeze some fun out of a game that adults would tire of within ...
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Jun 20, 2007

Detective Conan: Tsuioku no Gensou [import]

Wii Review

Professor Plum in the kitchen with the candlestick? Or the black-painted men in the park with the poison that turns 17-year-old amateur sleuths into ankle-biting miniature detectives? This is the story of Shinichi Kudo, a boy whose natural curiosity leads to him being shrunk by mysterious criminals. Rather than cry about his fate, or even enjoy the chance of acing his exams and generally being the smartest kid in primary school (which he probably was anyway), Shinichi devotes his newly reset ...
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Jun 19, 2007

Scarface: The World is Yours

Wii Review

Last year, Scarface: The World Is Yours caught just about everyone by surprise. It turned out to be a damn good game, sold like crazy (having moved over two million PS2 and Xbox copies to date), and set a world record for the most profanity and drug trafficking in video game history. Continuing with the didnt-see-that-coming approach, Vivendi has now released the hyperviolent and decidedly non-family-friendly game on the happiest console on the planet – Nintendos ...
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Jun 6, 2007

Tamagotchi Party On!

Wii Review

It's hard to properly weigh in on such a perversely cute board game. The minigames are preschool-level at best, often requiring nothing more than simple gestures to complete. Dialogue is so basic that a five-year-old kid could whip up something more profound. Even the Community Chest-style spaces you land on put the little guys into are right out of a fable or moral tale (helping kids across the street, visiting old folks). But somehow its invasive, saccharine cuteness manages to generate ...
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May 31, 2007

Shrek the Third

Wii Review

How far can you stretch the excuse that a game is designed for children? At a rating of E10+, Shrek The Third is just too simplistic. If a ten-year-old can handle Super Mario, surely they will be bored with just flailing a Wii Remote over and over. The gameplay is braindead and repetitive: run up to bad guys and shake the remote. Sure, you can do a few special moves, but there is nearly no need to. Occasionally you have to do a jump attack (gasp!) or navigate a 15 second “puzzle.” ...
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May 31, 2007

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Wii Review

At first, Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End appears to be yet another mindless melee slog. You can get away with just swinging the Wii remote rapidly from side to side for several levels. Things begin to look dire as far as fun goes. Then suddenly you encounter a pirate who will block every single one of your thoughtless swings. In a single moment the game has transformed into a true swashbuckler. Youve got to block attacks, time your lunges and swings, and use special defensive ...
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May 30, 2007

Mortal Kombat: Armageddon

Wii Review

Up, down, towards, away, A, down, away, B, A, B. Right now youre either nodding your head, thinking “thats what Im talking about” or youre quivering nervously, waiting for the bad GamesRadar man to stop. To the hardened Kombaters there is no greater thrill than to finger-dance opponents to their deaths with button presses; digit dexterity seeing icy-blasts ripping through human flesh and massive hats flung around with great abandon. To others there's nothing worse - a cruel hurdle ...
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