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Feb 12, 2007

Necro-Nesia [import]

Wii Review

Like a viscera-loving fly, developer Spike has wormed its way into the rotting body cavities of countless survival horrors, laid its eggs and given birth to Necro-Nesia. Its a real scavenger of a game, gnawing on the meat of the finest pedigree - namely Resident Evil 2 and Silent Hill 3. But like the common fly, its unable to digest it all without puking up on it first and churning it into a grotesque gaming mess. Playing as a floppy-haired girly-faced guy - whose soft, boy-band looks look ...
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Feb 9, 2007

Barnyard

Wii Review

Here's a refreshing entry into the games-based-on-movies fad: instead of simulating a movie's plot, THQ's Barnyard offers up an open-ended Grand Theft Auto-style experience (minus the sex and violence, of course). In fact, Grand Theft Bovine would have been a fitting subtitle. Upon first glance, the open-ended elements are simply a vehicle to take you from one minigame to the next with little to do in-between. But then something unexpected happens: the game slowly transforms into a fairly ...
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Feb 9, 2007

Kororinpa: Marble Mania [import]

Wii Review

Kororinpa makes us feel guilty. Sort of. It's not that it's usurped Monkey Ball's place in our hearts, exactly, it's just that... well... now we've seen so much more of it, we kind of want Monkey Ball to pack a bag full of its tired, tedious minigames and get its embarrassing soundtrack and limited flexibility out of our goddamn lives forever. It's time for Kororinpa to move in - glorious Kororinpa with its 100% responsive meaty 3D, its sanity-defying corner leaps and turns and its entire lack ...
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Feb 8, 2007

Ennichi No Tatsujin [import]

Wii Review

The waft of menace emanating from a carnies beard, rigged games, wailing children getting their limbs tangled in the whirring mechanics of a hastily constructed death wheel - sorry - Ferris wheel; theres no denying it, carnivals are horrible. This makes Namcos carnival simulator a surprisingly faithful adaptation. Even real carnies would balk at the audacity of only offering nine shoddy minigames. Especially when the best of the bunch - a remote pointer controlled-cork-gun-target shoot and ...
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Feb 8, 2007

Crayon Shin-Chan [import]

Wii Review

A young boy with a penchant for older women who regularly exposes his buttocks and genitals and refuses to let anyone to see him laughing. This is the Japanese quasi-equivalent of South Park, the ever-so-disturbing Crayon Shin-Chan. The oddest thing of all, though, is that this risqué show was translated into such a tame dud of a minigame collection. Set around a series of locations in the eponymous hero's home town, you have to complete incredibly basic minigames as part of a TV quiz ...
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Feb 7, 2007

SD Gundam Scad Hammers [import]

Wii Review

Start talking about mecha and most people will probably picture a heaving Islamic mass pilgrimage, as opposed to hulking great mechanical exoskeletons doing battle in a futuristic landscape. You see, to the uninitiated there are few things less welcoming than Gundam - a writhing mass of franchises and back-story that refuses to stop for breath and explain itself. All of which makes Scad Hammer s accessibility such a pleasant ...
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Feb 5, 2007

Tamagotchi No Pika Pika Daitouryou! [import]

Wii Review

Clearly bent on taking over the world, the Tamagotchi critters are using a Wii multiplayer board game to decide on a President to lead them into battle. Up to four people can play, with the AI filling in if you (surely inexplicably) find yourself playing Tamagotchi on your own. Start by shaking the remote to throw a die, and move around the board to land on a square where: a) youre rewarded for doing nothing at all, b) youre penalised for doing nothing at all, c) youll get richer after watching ...
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Jan 26, 2007

Far Cry Vengeance

Wii Review

If the first words you blurt out upon starting Far Cry Vengeance's main story aren't "Sweet Miyamoto, my eyes! I'm blind!" you're playing a different game than the rest of us. Muddy, low-resolution textures and grass draw in mere yards away as you move, the screen tears any time you move too quickly thanks in part to the limping, stuttering speed at which everything is drawn, and no quantity of cosmetic products could make any of the angular enemies palatable. It seems like even the developers ...
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Jan 26, 2007

Monster 4x4 World Circuit

Wii Review

Not much has changed since Monster 4x4 World Circuit appeared on last generation consoles. It's still saddled with weak track design, dopey opponents, and flaming oil barrels that inexplicably follow targets around like lost puppies. Still, Ubisoft wisely scrapped the original, horribly unresponsive control system, and replaced it with surprisingly well done motion sensitivity for the Wii release. Included is a plastic steering wheel that snaps together easily enough and holds your Wii Remote ...
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Jan 22, 2007

Cars

Wii Review

Imagine a game like Need for Speed Underground 2, in which you can drive around in a freely explorable city, racing other drivers or just messing around as you see fit. Now, imagine it with talking cars, a tiny desert town and nearly every hint of crime or violence removed, and you'll have a good idea of what to expect from Cars. While it ties in with the Pixar movie, Cars picks up where the film left off, with cherry-red racetrack star Lightning McQueen settling into the town of Radiator ...
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