Need a break from the lurid bursts of awesomeness screaming out of San Diego? Then we suggest having a look at some of this week’s worst trailers in another thrilling edition of Trailer Trash. No packed-to-the-gills special appearances by Hayao Miyazaki or spectacular Green Hornet reveals, just the most futile bits of video game video we could find, rounded out with sardonic commentary. Enjoy!
In real life, everyone knows sharks are perfectly lovely creatures that hold down good jobs, drive responsibly in hybrid cars, and almost never prey on humans. In popular media, however, they’re vicious aquatic bastards who like nothing better than to sneak up on unsuspecting swimmers and devour them as gruesomely as possible, preferably in front of an audience.
“Guns don’t kill people, bullets do.” But do they have to? Not at all, and in fact, this is all the destructive power you’re going to get out of shooting bullets.
To clarify, this isn’t about dialog captions, which are also referred to as “subtitles.” This is about the wastes of ink which game publishers love printing after game names. Take “Halo 3: ODST,” for example. “ODST.” What is that? It’s some letters that provide no information other than, “Hey, this isn’t the original Halo 3, it’s actually something a bit different.”
See if you can guess what game we’re talking about: in the war-torn near future, a supersolider - outfitted in skin-tight armor - wages battle against legions of aliens/other supersoldiers. To protect his scar-ridden face, he dons a nondescript, yet sleek helmet, thereby rendering him mute and indistinguishable from everything else on sale. Give up? It’s a trick question.
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