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Promoted as the hardest thing since Chuck Norris’ forehead, the following collection of grizzled marines, legendary soldiers and black-hearted school children cut imposing figures. Break past the Duke Nukem tough veneer, though, and you’ll actually find most of these hard men are really as daunting as the Wii’s processing power.
If over-pronounced bouts of masculinity are a sign of insecurity, then these boys must all
Gamers are a fickle and impatient bunch. After spending our childhoods at the altar of a twitchy, flashy, interactive dream box, we tend to act a bit ADD. The best games, however, can cut through this clutter right from the start. They dazzle us with cinematic spectacle or immerse us with unexpected realism. They overwhelm our eyes and ears with technological power or capture our minds with extraordinary storytelling. Within those first few minutes of play, they demand our attention.
When you think of scorpions and tarantulas battling it out God of War style, do you think Coen Brothers? If you say yes, you must be popping the Crazy Pills. That, or you’re one of the developers for Deadly Creatures. Yet it’s this off-kilter thinking that lends the Wii-exclusive arthropod adventure a unique flavor.
At the end of every year we get a new year – one that is numerically superior to its predecessor and brimming with new stuff to buy. But how do you know what to buy if all the shiny “best of” awards are given at the end of the year? You could spend your precious 365.24 days reading game reviews, but what are they compared to shiny metallic awards?
So Eidos plans to make Lara Croft more "family-friendly". Turns out despite the huge brand name and near universal critical acclaim, Tomb Raider Underworld just didn't sell as well as they had predicted, so it's time to tap that lucrative family market.
But Eidos don't need to spend thousands on a marketing consultant - we've done all the hard work for them and drawn up new versions of Lara. Indeed, one for every member of the family.
This time last year we only had Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Mario Kart Wii to fend off the baby sims and Mega Party Game Blasts. Nintendo was tight-lipped about E3 and the third party offerings were slim as usual – in other words, there was no respite from the casual flood in sight.
You want Sin and Punishment? You get Sin and Punishment. The masses have spoken and Nintendo have listened – through tiny mics embedded in the Wii remote speaker, we would imagine (your voice is transferred to the Wii, where the blue light blinks it out in Morse code, which Iwata reads from his hot air balloon outside your bedroom window).
Now that President Obama has taken office, we’re about to see whether he can act on all those campaign promises he’s been touting for the last year or so. We have a good feeling about Barack, although Presidents have been known to lead the public astray.
Skate 2 drops into disc trays everywhere this week, and its feeling the love from critics everywhere. But even if EA’s latest board game can topple Metacritic’s servers with terabytes of 9s and 10s, its still got to feel like a partial victory. You see, the road to King of Sk8 is paved with broken decks, shattered expectations, and no less than five unnecessary Tony Hawk titles.