First Appearance: Izuna: Legend of the Unemployed Ninja | 2007

Latest Appearance: Izuna 2: The Unemployed Ninja Returns | 2008

Why so overlooked? She’s a irritating, jobless mooch

Stephen’s critique: All sorts of Japanese wrongness. What do you say about a girl with the face of an infant and the chest of a Slovakian hooker? It must be tough even just walking around having twelve pounds of tit hanging off her front. Although at that age the only walking she should be doing is from the playpen to the potty. Damn you Japanese freaks, I feel weird and not in a good way…

First Appearance: Silent Hill | 1999

Last Appearance: Silent Hill: Origins | 2007

Above: GAAAAH!

Why so overlooked? She’s f**king dead!

Stephen’s critique: When you’re the ones drooling over fictional game gals made of pixels and polygons, there’s very little room for us to judge any of you, no matter how prone to necrophilia. Lisa Garland? Have at ‘er! Fixate all you want, just know the only appropriate suitor for this freak is Bruce Willis’s character in The Sixth Sense. Oh, sorry - Spoiler: Sixth Sense is one of two tolerable M. Night Shyamalan movies.

First Appearance: Viewtiful Joe | 2004

Last Appearance: Viewtiful Joe: Red Hot Rumble | 2006

Why so overlooked? Her Replay move makes her three times as elusive.

Stephen’s critique: In case you don’t know, Sil’s Replay move allows her to repeat a single action three times. Add a couple of wigs, and you’ve got the healthy illusion of a threesome, friend. Also, thongs and pom-poms are the fuel that’s powered teenage erections for centuries, and that’s gotta mean something! Even if you’re not into chicks with disproportionately-sized heads who wear helmets.

First Appearance: Suikoden | 1996

Last Appearance: Suikoden IV | 2006

Why so overlooked? This runemistress has a “true form” no human can see, but our sources say Sasquatch.

Stephen’s critique: If you’re going to pop up across more than five titles, just to deliver cryptic nonsense, at least have the balls to do it dressed in tissue paper and a hair tie. Like Jeane. Apparently, she also holds a “Charm Rune” which is rumored to be the force behind her attractiveness. Well that, or the I Dream of Jeanie haircut and visible nips.

First Appearance: F-Zero X | 1998

Last Appearance: F-Zero GX | 2003

Why so overlooked? This hasty broad often appears as a white hot blur, or not at all.

Stephen’s critique: What’ll be most surprising to an overwhelming amount of you is that F-Zero has a cast beyond Captain Falcon. It’s true! We don’t know much about this fast moving dame so until further notice, appearing in this article will be the cornerstone of this frumpy, jumpsuited enchantress’s career. You’re welcome Jody Summer, and you’re welcome internet.

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Hear more about this article in TalkRadar.

Jul 8, 2008