What's the real tragedy here? That Alec Baldwin's poorly scanned head has been shoved onto some grotesque marionette and forced to dance and prance around the screen for stupid people's entertainment?

That the game's creators tried the same basic visual technique as GoldenEye - a game released six years earlier - and somehow managed to make it look even worse?

Or that we just had to play a Cat in the Hat videogame for this article?
The shame may never wash off.

We didn't believe Mike Myers - or his basement rocking alter ego - could look any more ridiculous than they already do. Wayne's World on SNES, however, proved us wrong. This breathtaking "toilet bowl" effect takes the image so very, very, very far into the realm of pure awful that it actually emerges on the other side as high art.

 

Enough jokes. The ending of Home Alone 2 on NES, seen partially above, is much more than a game-over screen. It's social commentary - a brutally authentic portrayal of what would really happen if a young child were left "home alone" for such a lengthy amount of time. Kevin is clearly on his death bed here - starved, dehydrated and delusional after days of no food, no water and no human interaction. The brave little soldier has mustered all his strength for one final smile - a gift to his mother before he passes away forever. Chilling.

On a lighter note, check out these other characters from the 8-bit Home Alone Universe. Ha ha! They're funny lookin'!

 

A perfect example of over exaggeration from Bruce Lee: Quest of the Dragon. Bruce Lee's muscles are famous, definitely; but should they be so individually bulging that they threaten to pop off the man's body? His hairstyle is distinct, too, but why is it larger than his whole head? Is he storing secret weapons in that polygonal beehive?

The end result isn't Bruce Lee, but a funhouse mirror version instead.

Talk about an unfair stereotype. Um, Jackie Chan does have EYES, you know. Who drew this - Hitler?!

By the way, the game is named Jackie Chan's Action Kung Fu, so it's definitely supposed to be him.

 

The NES had limited technology, but we're fairly confident the system could handle a nose, a mouth and some eyes at least. This is just sand. Mummified sand. Mummified sand formed out of mashed potatoes. Mummified sand formed out of mashed potatoes and built into an ugly ass snowman. Really, we're at a complete loss for how to categorize this... splotch-type... puddle-like... thing.

By the way, Kevin Costner's not the only character in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves to suffer such an indescribable fate. The whole cast is afflicted. For instance, can you identify the man / woman / seashell to the left? (Hint: Someone who doesn't look a damn bit like Morgan Freeman.)