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The Preemptive 2009 Game Awards

We're handing out honors to games so good we haven't even played them yet

Words: Tyler Wilde, GamesRadar US

How’d we do last year?

We began the preemptive award tradition in 2008, so for fun let’s see just how accurate our preemptive honors were last year.

Best GTA IV competition: Prototype
Yeah, it wasn’t released.

Will cause the most death due to 36 hour gaming binges at Korean cafes: Starcraft II
Yeah, it wasn’t released either.

Most popular with middle aged women: Wii Fit
We nailed this one! That was hard too, we were stuck between “middle aged women” and “pubescent boys who want to impress that girl in their geometry class by losing 30 lbs. but can’t get away from videogames long enough to do some real goddamn exercise… for Christ’s sake, JIMMY! Get off the damn couch and stop playin’ wit that TV GIZMO!”

Best game that involves sneaking: Metal Gear Solid 4
This one was close too, but we hit the nail right on the head. We were going to go with Sneak King 2: Rise of the Burger King, but alas, that was a dream we had and not an actual promotional Burger King game.

Best game with the word “war” in its name: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
We can admit when we’re wrong. We’re not going to right now, but we can if we want to.

Worst title: Left 4 Dead
This one is unfortunate. At the time, we really didn’t like the whole “it’s the number ‘4’ because there are four survivors… but it’s also the word “for.” Get it? GET IT?” thing, but now that we played the damn game and love it to undeath, we wouldn’t care if it were called “Killer, Diller, Chiller, Thriller here Tonight.”

We gave the runner up award in this category to Legendary: The Box. Guess what? They changed the name to simply “Legendary.” That’s power.

Best action survival horror thriller: Silent Hill 5
We failed again, and our two runner ups (RE 5 and Alan Wake) haven’t even been released yet. If we had to go back and rewrite it, we probably would have said Dead Space.

Will incite the most anger if effed up: Street Fighter IV
This is both true and false. It’s true that screwing up Street Fighter would have caused an angry fanboy rant-fest. So good thing they didn’t screw it up. Of course, they also didn’t release it in 2008.

Game of the Year: Spore
HAH! Spore is a great game, but it didn’t exactly glue our noses to our monitors, though it did stick SecuROM on our systems. Our actual game of the year award for 2008 went to Fallout 3, which absolutely deserved it, and wasn’t even mentioned in last year’s awards. Huh, maybe basing an entire set of awards on marketing and press releases isn’t the right way to do it. Oh well, if the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences can do it every year, so can we.

Jan 23, 2009


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59 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
ClusterShart  - 1 year 1 month ago 
LOL, tyler you astound me

Recaptcha: Absolute Time
DeadGirls  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Yeah, I'd say those are some pretty good estimations.
Bioshock 2 is going to have to work really hard to get my vote for best game of the year though. The first one seemed, to me, to only be an average shooter, albeit with an intriguing premise, and packaged in a unique setting. It didn't even warrant a second play-through (in fact, it was all downhill after the 'twist' -- the ending(s) was weak).
Synster  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Heh. And here comes the Flames from the Killzone fanboys. I Guarantee it. More or less, He's right about the God of War award. That franchise truly only appeals to people who've played it from start to finish in just about every game. Though the PSP version isn't exactly needed nor' just about nobody on the face of the Earth has the Cellphone version. There are some points I'd disagree with, how God of War has "Cineractive silliness", but to each our own opinion, as I don't get uptight about Video Games like others seem to do so quickly.
Miller129  - 1 year 1 month ago 
go Bioshock 2!!
darkwolf777  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Damn I cant wait for RE5
CH3BURASHKA  - 1 year 1 month ago 
*Sighs, rubs eyes tiredly*

Jade Raymond JUST (like, 2 days ago) said that she isn't involved with I Am Alive. Come on guys, might want to read Joystiq once in a while.

Recaptcha: week Dittman
bioshocker  - 1 year 1 month ago 
@^
demo Monday looks incredible
chaz09  - 1 year 1 month ago 
haha i am definitely putting that award sticker on my games



Recaptcha: Wallace Kristoffy my future childs name
revrock  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Holy smokes do I hope Madworld lives up to the hype...

reCAPTCHA: party Plummer (my dream job)
GamesRadarTylerWilde  - 1 year 1 month ago 
- Modified by Moderator
@CH3BURASHKA - I do read Joytiq, among other blogs, but this happens, not every little bit of game news reaches us fast enough. But it is my fault for trusting the sites that spread the rumor in the first place and not double checking. To be fixed shortly.
AnonymouZ  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Let's hope you are wrong, but lets predict you're right.

Recaptcha:

divorce second
alfonso.hdez  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Aaah, and that's why I just love Gamesradar! Great article indeed, but what? no PSP games were mention...ooh, wait...
naw but seriously, at this point this article seems really accurate, let's see on 11 months :)
Snarf  - 1 year 1 month ago 
You used the word "guesstimated"....
That is the worst word EVER.
may.be.vital  - 1 year 1 month ago 
Ya I have to agree with the God of War comment. It, and its various sequels, are all really just hack and slash, arcade beat-em-ups. Exceptionally well made games yes, and very fun to play for a short time, but I really didnt see any replay value.
MGS4SolidSnake  - 1 year 1 month ago 
i just hope for another game with a story half as good as mgs4
gutlessVADER  - 1 year 1 month ago 
I agree with the PS3 not having many great games - most of them are third party and on the 360 anyway
Grenade  - 1 year 1 month ago 
BioShock 2 will disappoint, Killzone 2 will live up to the hype, because GR are just being biased about it, Heavy Rain will be decent Mad World will be 'fun' but repetitive.

That's my prediction.
Jaces  - 1 year 1 month ago 
You're online name should be "gutlessfanbou"...fits perfectly.

Anyway, I can't wait to get my hands on Beyond Good & Evil 2.
Hurricrane  - 1 year 1 month ago 
rofls, great articel again Tyler, I love all these mock awards!
AfricanWoolf  - 1 year 1 month ago 
"At the end of every year we get a new year – one that is numerically superior to its predecessor"

I love you guys. :-D
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