Thanks to Wii, Lawn Darts are enjoying a bit of a renaissance after nearly two decades of banned sale in the US. Okay… maybe the activity technically killed a couple of kids, but courageous developers have finally defied the enemies of fun and released several versions of the latest murder simulator.

Above: Uh oh, the guy on the right looks like the first tragedy

Above: Wisk yourself away to exotic locales and pristine beaches… to throw sharp contraband short distances

Above: The other “24 Games” are more than likely things you haven’t seen before

Above: Neither stupid nor impractical

It’s debatable whether or not gaming is to blame for current obesity epidemic, but no one can point a fat finger at digital food. Get ready to burn as many calories as repeatedly scooping handfuls of Cheetos from Costco bag to face… fake culinary delights are a flick of the wrist away!

Above: Place open palm on flapjack griddle to save game
 

Above: See ladies, Mama’s looking out for you

Above: Yeah bitch, fire roast them pancakes!

Above: The new Mario

Slow down there, Slick McWilly! For over three decades games have been stereotyped as interactive experiences requiring skill and reflexes. Thank goodness we’re finally getting with the times. So, while a large portion of Wii games do focus on dragging fish from water while performing the Arsenio Hall cheer, others boldly let you relax and get your look on.

Above: A Blue Tang clan ain’t nothing to f*** with

Above: Our love is real but they are not

Above: All this AND Math?!

Plenty of peripherals have allowed you to control games with your legs. Unfortunately, it’s usually a snowboard, skateboard, or some other “game-like” purpose. Luckily, Wii Balance Board was designed expressly for leaning’s sake. No ollies, no powder carving - just pure old fashioned body slanting represented on screen.

Above: Strike a pose in this superior mirror

Above: Ultimatum Statute 4.2.1.1: The player must start in a PS2 launch game

Above: Downward Facing Doggystyle

Without a doubt, Bowling is the most popular thing Wii’s got going. However, in a very close second, you’ll find the ever-growing pastime of Not Bowling. Oh, Skee Ball and Bocce may look like bowling, employ the same control scheme, and involve “bowling” a ball, but the differences are many and vast.

Above: Did you know “Bocce” is Italian for “bowl”?

Fact: Bocce is slower than bowling... so there. And you don’t get tickets redeemable for slide whistles and paper hats from bowling, do ya stupid? It really is unfortunate not every game can be bowling, but at least that doesn’t stop developers from trying.

Above: Our grandma’s favorite screenshot

Above: Don’t let the name fool you. There’s almost no skill required

Above: Canadian Bowling

Above: We live in exciting times

Above: The green ones make you feel buyer’s remorse

Above: You’re fooling no one

Above: So good they made it again!

Apr 16, 2009

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