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GamerBlips5. Savage Skies
2002 | PS2
Also known as "that dragon-riding game that was supposed to have Ozzy Osbourne in it, but then didn't," Savage Skies tried to compensate for the loss of its star with one of the most fantastically long-winded openers ever burned to a DVD. Narrated by a guy who sounds like he's doing a James Earl Jones imitation into a bucket, Savage Skies' opening tells the story of a good, virtuous king who liked to walk around on balconies before forgetting what it was he went out there for and heading back inside. We know he was good and virtuous because he "supported the development of ALL magic systems - with the exception of necromancy." And then he fights some ghosts in a sequence that looks like it was made for an early PSone game. Because, oh, kings dig doing that kind of stuff, sure.
The rest of the intro plays out like a monologue by the chatty Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Filled with "wait, it's still going?" moments, it's seriously long, hilariously complicated and describes inconsequential events in loving detail when it could just show them and get it over with. Which we'll do right now:
