Paul Ryan, Associate Editor CheatPlanet: When King's Quest IV: The Perils of Rosella was released in 1988, I was four. Though always happy to help out my dad with my ingenious adventure gaming tips, I wasn't quite ready to develop my first videogaming crush. By the time King’s Quest VII: The Princeless Bride came out six years later, however, I was a blossoming fourth grader and totally playing games all by myself. I was ready to awkwardly and naïvely appreciate my first gaming crush in her new – and now fully animated – adventure.
Of course, it wasn't the same mature love I now reserve for my cat and Aerith. It was cute puppy love, innocent and unaware that you should never tell everyone you know how cool you think this song is:
I don’t care what you think. It was a crush that went deeper than her blonde hair and pretty blue dress. Even when Rosella was transformed into a stinky troll for the first two chapters of the game, I remained loyal. Together, we cured her of her trollism, but I never found out if she married that boring Prince Throckmorton of Monticore because of a game ending bug on the way out of Oogo Booga Land.
I’m guessing no, but 1994 was a different time. A time when PC games never seemed to work right… and when a boy could love a troll.
Paul's most recent crush: Zoey (Left 4 Dead)
When I was old enough to actually have a job, I met a coworker who introduced me to Halo 2. I was hooked immediately and, after recognizing Master Chief on the box a few days later, bought my own copy of the game without even getting the Xbox console first! At this point, I still hadn’t played many videogames in my life, so between a round Italian plumber, a blue hedgehog with red shoes, a half-naked bandicoot and a six-foot-something UNSC soldier in sexy, shiny MJOLNIR Mark VI armor, who’s gonna win my heart? Really?
I did buy an Xbox system eventually, of course, and my obsession with Master Chief grew. Yes, I own a Zanzibar t-shirt from Bungie… and the “I see dead people” Halo 2 shirt… and the Halo 3 beta shirt. I spent countless hours and days playing Halo 2’s campaign and multiplayer… and yes, many admirers in the pre-game lobby would say, “omg wow a gurl playz halo lol.”
But I only had eyes for one. Sorry, Cortana, but you’re gonna have to step off because Master Chief is mine. Bitch.
Master Chief and I have since grown distant (sorry, I still like Halo 2 more than Halo 3), but I’ll always look longingly at the designated “Halo corner” on my desk and reminisce about all the times John and I dual-wielded SMGs with pistols on Lockout and stuck Elites with plasma grenades on High Charity.
Lizzie's most recent crush: Weighted Companion Cube (Portal)
I can remember picking Tyris Flare as my character in Golden Axe on Mega Drive for the predictable reason that she was wearing a very fetching bikini. And as I played, I became convinced that there was a wardrobe malfunction (boob slip) in her falling animation.
I can remember pausing the game to try and see better, but then quickly unpausing in case my mum walked by the window. Ridiculous, really, especially as there was no boob at all. What my racing young mind had seen as a breast and nipple was in fact just her hand in a fist. Sigh.
Justin's most recent crush: Varla Guns (The House of the Dead Overkill)