Deserves one extra Mario alikeness point for having a daughter that could easily get the part of Princess Peach in a stage production of Super Smash Bros: The Musical.
Definitely no chance of being mistaken for Mario anytime soon. But Calrissian sure can make that hat work for him in ways that Mario can only dream of.
The Motorhead front man's sideburn and 'tache killer combo deserves its own place in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. If Lemmy's 'tache had a fight with Mario's 'tache, there's no prize for guessing which facial decoration would wake up in the hair hospital with multiple follicle fractures.
In terms of bush density the 'tash is pretty much on the money. In fact, with the addition of the hat, 80s TV's greatest private investigator *must* have been on the short list for the Super Mario Bros movie. His chest was probably a bit too hairy, though.
Perhaps somewhere in an alternate universe this would be the ultimate Mario doppelganger. But not here. Which is a shame. The idea of a heavily tattooed Mario dishing out some meat-cleaver assisted justice in the Mushroom Kingdom appeals to us immensely.
Martin Luther King, Ron Jeremy, Saddam Hussein, Salvador Dali and Seth Armstrong on the next page...