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When videogames go emo

Max Payne

Has there ever been a more piss-miserable game character than Max ‘Everyone I know is dead or dying’ Payne? The guy was probably screwed from the start with a name like that (“Thanks Mum and Dad! No playground kickings for me now!”), but his adult life has been grim almost to the point of parody.



His wife and child were murdered by drug fiends, he was mistaken for his friend’s killer and hunted by the cops, he was simultaneously hounded by a mafia death warrant, shot at by everyone he even looked at (though to be fair, his permanent sneering probably didn’t help), repeatedly got doped up on nightmare acid and had to follow a trail of blood through a bottomless pit Lynchian nightmare with his dead baby screaming at him constantly, never went anywhere even remotely nice, and was presumably always freezing.

Best week ever! What are we doing tomorrow?

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