In 1989, Tiger's Sub Wars handheld came into my possession. How is not important. Which is to say, I stole it from my brother. What's important is that it dominated my life for many several months, as I sought out and destroyed wolves of the Pacific (read: black pixels on a sky blue background). It was happiness... until one fated school day, when Ms. Williams, my first grade teacher, confiscated the device as I sat absorbed in its screen, and not The BFG. She said it would be returned to me at the end of the school year; that was a dirty lie.
It wouldn't surprise me to learn that Tiger Sub Wars is absolutely terrible. However, because it was unceremoniously ripped from my small, impressionable self, I'll never be able to reconcile myself to its true value. Instead, I have consecrated it in my memory. I will forever view it through my six-year-old eyes. Damage was done, Ms. Williams. Damage was done. I want my handheld back.