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What your character designs say about you

3. The Monstrosity

Description: When adjusting the height of a character's chin or the distance between his or her eyes, most people stick to the middle few ticks on the slide bar. Not you. You go for the extremes, the edges that designers hoped you would avoid. Your nose is level with your eyes, your cheekbones abnormally low, your jowls particularly bulgy, your hairline receding to an obscene degree. Even if your character somehow passes as normal, you will destroy his dignity with feather boas, mohawks, green skin and Scottish kilts. No matter how serious the game, your character is bound to look absolutely ridiculous.


Above: Yes, that's a woman

Psychoanalysis: The aformentioned silly behavior emerges from an undisciplined or over-protective childhood. The extremes exercised in your youth directly translate to your unabashed enjoyment of extremes later in life. Once socially depraved, you are now outgoing and tend to succumb to impulsive outbursts of wild expression. You are dismissive of shame. Naked dreams do not terrify you. For all you care, they might not even be dreams. Creative and often an embarrassment to others, you are what psychologists call “weird.” Chatroulette is made for people of your kind.


4. The Look-a-like

Description: Your inspiration is not your own physical features or your bizarre desires. Instead, you like to recreate celebrities, historical figures and movie characters. When scrolling through costumes and hairdos, you immediately begin associating certain options with possible character recreations. Once you spot that clock necklace among WWE's in-game accessories, Flavor Flav has to be on your Wrestlemania roster. Your Wii parade features Hitler, Einstein and Kim Jong Il. You'll even download skins if it means you get to play as Sarah Palin in Mercenaries 2 or Queen Amidala in Sims 3.


Above: Conan O'Brien pre-NBC fiasco

Psychoanalysis: While the Dream is a manipulation of reality, the Look-A-Like turns reality on its head. Due to a lack of intellectual stimulation at a young age, you seek activity and humor in even the least likely of places. You like to make Einstein bat a home run or Obama commandeer a tank because reality simply doesn't allow for it. However, your passion for theatrical display most likely extends beyond video games. Maybe you cosplay. Maybe you act. Whatever the case may be, you love making a scene and take pride in either making people smile or making them recoil in fear and disgust. As long as you get a reaction, you've done your job.


5. The Badass

Description: Character customization isn't just about looks. It's about making the best hero or athlete for the job. If that includes making him a stud, so be it. Males, your character needs to be a god among men with unparalleled strength, swag and lady-killing charm. Females, you need to make the strongest, most stunning babe with a knack for being just plain awesome. Friends and NPCs alike will gaze upon your character with envy.


Above: This Commander Shepard will snap your neck

Psychoanalysis: Your transhumanistic views liberate you from the confines of reality. Whether this makes you optimistic or just plain irrational, you are intent on taking full advantage of the virtual escape video games have to offer. Role-playing be damned. Your money goes toward a full-fledged, fictional gaming experience, whether that's kicking ass in Saints Row 2 with your gang-banging stud muffin or taking names as a death-defying dark Jedi in The Old Republic. Even outside of video games, you strive to get the most bang for your buck. You've only got one life, and you plan on making it count.

Plus, you know – you look awesome.

Jan 12, 2011

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53 comments

  • WinkedUp Lozza - January 16, 2011 3:31 a.m.

    What about the people who just use the 'random' button? Or the other lazy kind who just put all the sliders to the far right of left?
  • Spybreak8 - January 15, 2011 9:10 p.m.

    Eh good read but I think this only scratches the surface. I think it would be a good article if it was written by a few people, a few guys and a few girls. I've made myself in games but most of the time just use attributes of me like my beard while making my character. I enjoyed Tiger Woods PGA Tour 09 because you can get your face into the game if you have a Livecam. Hopefully later versions work with the Kinect. My characters can be any gender, any species, any attributes, quite random in fact depending on the game, mood, gamestyle I'm planning.
  • apegod99 - January 14, 2011 3:11 p.m.

    Im a mix between the clone and monstrocity. I make myself, then morph him into a freak of nature.
  • CharlieFockstrot - January 14, 2011 2:54 p.m.

    I always go for a Mr T pity the fool!
  • Rhymenocerous - January 14, 2011 10:30 a.m.

    On a first playthorough, it's The Clone for me. That way I can really relate to my Fallout character when I'm making heads explode.
  • theamazingmrpotato - January 14, 2011 9:51 a.m.

    i do match alot of the weird qualities. but surely its just fantastic to have a touch of eccentricity in your personality, keeps things fresh.
  • Jamahl - January 14, 2011 3:42 a.m.

    Guild Wars reference = Best article ever.
  • papergoon - January 14, 2011 3:04 a.m.

    @Murderapolis WTF? Okay that was actually funny. XD
  • soren7550 - January 14, 2011 2:03 a.m.

    I think I'd be a mix between 'The Dream' and 'The Badass' since I just go for something that I think looks good & cool.
  • CoktorBloktopus - January 13, 2011 11:10 p.m.

    Yeah for creating the raging bad@$$ in all video games. All you need is a tattoo or an awesome scar
  • Ilyere - January 13, 2011 9:42 p.m.

    I go for the Clone, most of the time. Yeah, how original am I?
  • Mode - January 13, 2011 9:23 p.m.

    I always make either some sort of mysterious-looking dude (Psycho Mantis-esque), or some really hot female character who may or may not be Psycho Mantis-esque. I like Psycho Mantis.
  • StealthyMangos - January 13, 2011 8:07 p.m.

    yeah # 6 should definitely be asian, since I've made an asian in every rpg I have ever played... but that would fall under the clone, since I'm also asian
  • monsterhunter3rox - January 13, 2011 5:21 p.m.

    oh,fine.i admit.my character in tri is a badass.as badass as almost crapping his pants at the sight of a jhen moran can be
  • MattMk2 - January 13, 2011 4:26 p.m.

    What about what I do? I just use the default character.
  • Y2Ken - January 13, 2011 4:06 p.m.

    I generally make myself in football games, and a random (but normal looking, probably closest to badass out of these) in most other games - Fallout, Mass Effect, Smackdown and so on. Then in Sims I make just an average looking dude depending on how I'm playing. Sometimes kinda suave, sometimes quite scruffy, occasionally a little tubby. Whatever I'm feeling would be fun.
  • Pirazha - January 13, 2011 3:38 p.m.

    @codzprc Same here. When being Male gives you advantages, like Oblivion, i am nr. 5.
  • Snowyjoe - January 13, 2011 2:57 p.m.

    You forgot one factor. Theme: Creating a character and giving it personality and character that based on the game world
  • philipshaw - January 13, 2011 1:43 p.m.

    Interesting article, I think I try to make the character look like me and if the game doesn't let me do that then I will go for the dream version
  • fueler335 - January 13, 2011 1:22 p.m.

    GREAT article! I laughed all the way through.Thanks!

Showing 1-20 of 53 comments

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