3. The Monstrosity
Description: When adjusting the height of a character's chin or the distance between his or her eyes, most people stick to the middle few ticks on the slide bar. Not you. You go for the extremes, the edges that designers hoped you would avoid. Your nose is level with your eyes, your cheekbones abnormally low, your jowls particularly bulgy, your hairline receding to an obscene degree. Even if your character somehow passes as normal, you will destroy his dignity with feather boas, mohawks, green skin and Scottish kilts. No matter how serious the game, your character is bound to look absolutely ridiculous.
Above: Yes, that's a woman
Psychoanalysis: The aformentioned silly behavior emerges from an undisciplined or over-protective childhood. The extremes exercised in your youth directly translate to your unabashed enjoyment of extremes later in life. Once socially depraved, you are now outgoing and tend to succumb to impulsive outbursts of wild expression. You are dismissive of shame. Naked dreams do not terrify you. For all you care, they might not even be dreams. Creative and often an embarrassment to others, you are what psychologists call “weird.” Chatroulette is made for people of your kind.
4. The Look-a-like
Description: Your inspiration is not your own physical features or your bizarre desires. Instead, you like to recreate celebrities, historical figures and movie characters. When scrolling through costumes and hairdos, you immediately begin associating certain options with possible character recreations. Once you spot that clock necklace among WWE's in-game accessories, Flavor Flav has to be on your Wrestlemania roster. Your Wii parade features Hitler, Einstein and Kim Jong Il. You'll even download skins if it means you get to play as Sarah Palin in Mercenaries 2 or Queen Amidala in Sims 3.
Above: Conan O'Brien pre-NBC fiasco
Psychoanalysis: While the Dream is a manipulation of reality, the Look-A-Like turns reality on its head. Due to a lack of intellectual stimulation at a young age, you seek activity and humor in even the least likely of places. You like to make Einstein bat a home run or Obama commandeer a tank because reality simply doesn't allow for it. However, your passion for theatrical display most likely extends beyond video games. Maybe you cosplay. Maybe you act. Whatever the case may be, you love making a scene and take pride in either making people smile or making them recoil in fear and disgust. As long as you get a reaction, you've done your job.
5. The Badass
Description: Character customization isn't just about looks. It's about making the best hero or athlete for the job. If that includes making him a stud, so be it. Males, your character needs to be a god among men with unparalleled strength, swag and lady-killing charm. Females, you need to make the strongest, most stunning babe with a knack for being just plain awesome. Friends and NPCs alike will gaze upon your character with envy.
Above: This Commander Shepard will snap your neck
Psychoanalysis: Your transhumanistic views liberate you from the confines of reality. Whether this makes you optimistic or just plain irrational, you are intent on taking full advantage of the virtual escape video games have to offer. Role-playing be damned. Your money goes toward a full-fledged, fictional gaming experience, whether that's kicking ass in Saints Row 2 with your gang-banging stud muffin or taking names as a death-defying dark Jedi in The Old Republic. Even outside of video games, you strive to get the most bang for your buck. You've only got one life, and you plan on making it count.
Plus, you know – you look awesome.
Jan 12, 2011
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