What if... Video game characters had interns

Day four: Self-defense with Ken & Ryu

"I can't. I can't do it."

"It's pretty straightforward," said Ken, running a hand through his trademark flowing golden locks.

"I dunno," I said. "I just don't think I'm cut out for it."

"This is one of the basic principles of combat," said Ryu. "If you cannot master this, you will never be able to defend yourself."

"Let's start from the top," said Ken, sighing heavily. "Let's say you're walking home through the park. It's late at night. You hear someone coming up behind you, and he says something like 'Give me your wallet, now!' What's the first thing you do?"


"If you block, he'll just be able to throw you."

" away?"

"No! Invisible walls bar the exit of a coward!" bellowed Ryu.

"Right, the invisible walls, yeah. Um."

"The first thing you do," said Ken, "is summon the elemental fire that lives within your soul forward into your hands and throw a blue orb of death at him."

I pushed my arms forward in a vague approximation of Ken's style, but nothing came out. He scowled at me. I was beginning to think that I didn't have an elemental fire in my soul at all; plus, the comedown from Wednesday's island adventure was making my hands shake almost uncontrollably. This was going to take a while.

Click on for Day five: politics with Rico Rodriguez...

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  • CurryIsGood - October 31, 2013 5:53 a.m.

    Hate to be that guy who just has to correct but all those references your dropping about discussing movie monster and boss battles are from MGS3, which has Naked Snake. Technically Naked and Solid are the same... but still.
  • Cyberninja - October 28, 2013 2:45 p.m.

    This and the dating females in game article were both great make moar nao
  • GR_AndyHartup - October 29, 2013 3:11 a.m.

    They were both written by the same guy. Yeah, we can do more for sure.
  • Cyberninja - October 29, 2013 5:13 a.m.

    Thanks, I really like the style of writing and the subject matter I figured the same person did both of them.