What games would a noob buy?

Test subject A: Kim

On the Knowledge of Gaming scale, Kim placed herself somewhere between None and Very Little. However, she confessed to having played - and liked - quiz-'em-up Buzz and post-pub favourite SingStar, and that she also enjoyed a little finger-wriggling with the PSOne version of Worms. She has tried a spot of Wii-based hand-waving, although she "got confused with all the coordination stuff".

Prior to our 'experiment', Kim hadn't crossed the threshold of a game store for a "very long time". She had previously entered a geek stronghold to purchase Abe's Oddysee on PSOne for a friend's birthday. So hardly what you'd call a patron.

The purchase

The quickest of our three newbies to make a choice, Kim picked Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock for Xbox 360. She knew it would cost more money than we'd given her for the necessary guitar controller, but it's what she wanted, so who were we to argue? And why did she fancy rocking hard with this particular game? "I chose it partly because I've heard people say that it's good, and partly because I'm a big music fan."

Obvious conclusion

This is definite proof that you can't beat a healthy dollop of positive word of mouth to drum up some extra business. Y'know, friends talking about something being good fun because, well, it's genuinely good fun. It's that magical essence of honesty that wanky marketing 'creatives' simply can't concoct with transparent, wanky viral advertising.

So, a smart way to sell more games is to simply make good games. And to make sure they're perfect for parties where they can be exposed in all their gurn-faced glory to non-gamers. Oh, and throwing in some quirky controller device that temporarily transforms players into an axe-grinding God of the Rock probably helps as well.


  • Mboy1100 - April 11, 2011 8:48 p.m.

    .....Happy.....Feet......*pukes*....But I do think SMFOF was a pretty good game.Maybe I'm biased from watching hours of Spider Man at my baby sitters house every day when I was a toddler.
  • Metroidhunter32 - July 4, 2010 5:11 p.m.

    And this is why we are not newbs. We get only the best. Or rather the most marketed, or else Okami would have sold better.
  • RandomSamurai13 - October 1, 2008 5:36 p.m.

    FIRST!! Is what I would shout if I was into that type of thing, but I see it pointless so disregard my opening exclamation. My sister is just like these girls, she'll walk into GAME or Gamestation and just buy something that looks familiar. Nice job.
  • AuthorityFigure - July 30, 2009 7:30 a.m.

    Ewww. Not very good choices there.
  • adrenaguy - July 13, 2009 5:43 p.m.

    holy crap, bleachigo! use some damn punctuation! here, i'll fix it for you: HA! notice how all the noobs have expierienced the wii, I mean I love nintendo to death and most gamers wil agree super mario has popped are preverbial gaming cherry, but still it's a crap system that went in the wrong direction. The only good thing about it is that all of the old games you can get from the wii store. It's sad, I walk into gaming stores and see parents (probably shopping for their offspring) browsing through the wii section, seperated from all the gamers. Also has anybody got any prototype cheats? there, isn't that a much nicer comment to read? it's like the punctuation, spelling and coherent sentence wizards came in, stole a bunch of stuff and then just shot it for fun! It's the internetz peeps! if you're gonna do it right, do it right first time! it will be here FOREVER! (unless you delete it. But shhh) loved the articvle, i made the mistake of buying the simpsons game. on wii. BAD move. ninty has just driven themselves right into the turd heap, and are now gleefully rolling around and mushing it into their faces with each new game. Wii for sale, mint condition, comes with 10 games, one of them guitar hero, with peripheral, recharging station (one that funning works!) two wii remotes with nunchucks, and a steering wheel. anybody? any takers? I might just sell it on ebay...
  • bleachigo909 - July 13, 2009 5:18 p.m.

    HA notice how all the noobs have expierienced the wii i mean i love nintendo to death and most gamers wil agree super mario has popped are preverbial gaming cherry but still its a crap system in the wrong direction the only good thing about it is all the old games u can get from the wii store its sad i walk into gaming stores and see parents (probably shopping for their offspring) browsing through the wii section seperated from all the gamers also anybody got any prototype cheats?
  • CreeplyTuna - July 13, 2009 2:51 a.m.

    classic representation of human nature. great!
  • Xplosive59 - July 9, 2009 3:21 p.m.

    gah it cannot be ... even the non gamers which i know can give a vague explaination of the histrory of metal gear!
  • shadyMrPatch - July 15, 2009 2:43 p.m.

    Xplosive59 "gah it cannot be ... even the non gamers which i know can give a vague explaination of the histrory of metal gear!" What? Even I can't give a reasonable explanation of the history of metal gear and I've played them.
  • baconfacemilomonster - July 15, 2009 4:08 a.m.

    yeah, back when I was a little noob, I got Grand Theft Auto 3...because I heard it was really violent,so of course I wanted it as a kid, turned out I got lucky because it's a kick ass game. But that's not why I bought the game, I got it because I heard it was violent. Very accurate article.
  • Xeacons - July 13, 2009 3:22 p.m.

    I totally expected this to be a comedy article, but you guys kept it pretty solid. Make's perfect sense: familiarity. We all go for what we know; two went for licensees, and one went for the closest-to-casual game on the 360. Veterans like us are just more in the loop; otherwise, we'd do the same thing.
  • sleepy92ismypsn - July 12, 2009 1:07 a.m.

    why is this a playstation 3 article when none of these noobs bought a ps3 game?
  • thomashalpenny - July 9, 2009 10:39 p.m.

    the 1 on the left has downs haha
  • thomashalpenny - July 9, 2009 10:37 p.m.

    Simpsons games is aload of bolox!!! on wii any way at least i hav a ps3 , hey?
  • doomdoomdoom - July 9, 2009 10:06 p.m.

    Shit this article is really accurate i bought the simpsons game because i like the show but after playing it i wish i didn't buy it and should have at least rented it or read the reviews. Does anyone want to buy (xbox 360) The Simpson's Game from me $10, perfect condition (for now!)
  • Scott1121 - July 9, 2009 7:38 p.m.

    non-gamers can be ignorant my friend (who is the only male non-gamer i know) only buys crap wii games you know all of the movie games and links crossbow training, ya he plays wii but i dont count that as gaming
  • FreekinIdiot - July 9, 2009 2:34 p.m.

    Look how happy the noobettes look with their purchases...especially the noobette on the left, she looks like she's have a wondrous day...
  • CARLINNIT - July 9, 2009 2:09 p.m.

    Brilliant Article
  • deora2dude - June 6, 2009 6:39 p.m.

    please change the font. it hurts

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