Google+

Videogame franchises founded on boobs

You wouldn’t think that soft mounds of flesh would provide a stable foundation for anything. And yet, these videogame franchises have built their houses atop just such rollicking hillocks of... oh, forget it. Just watch the video. Fair warning: it might be NSFW, depending on what you consider S in your place of W.

While boobs are often used to cover up a game’s shortcomings, that is not our point here. These series range from terrible to awesome to just plain weird, but all have one powerful thing in common. It is impossible to disentangle them from the cleavage that promotes them. The video wasn’t enough for you? Then read on for screenshots and further discussion.

Soul Calibur series


Please don’t flame the comments about how Soul Calibur wasn’t actually founded on boobs. No, like all things pure and true and good it was forged in the crucible of Japanese arcades as the magnificent, hard-as-balls Soul Edge. Know, gentle reader, that we decided to include Soul Calibur anyway because each successive entry grew chestier until, well, just look at Ivy for chrissakes. No feature about videogame breasts would be complete without her, so Soul Calibur is in.

 

Dead or Alive series


Like Soul Calibur, Dead or Alive came up through the Japanese arcade circuit, but unlike Soul Calibur, DOA was focused on tit-jiggle from the get-go. While enjoying our homage to Tina Armstrong, note that she dyed her hair blonde in the second game as a ruse to escape from her overbearing father. Bonus round: look closely at the first screen, and you can see Tina punching Tina in the boob. Rad!

 

DOA Xtreme series

Two words: caption contest

The Dead or Alive volleyball spinoff is unapologetically lewd, as the ever pervy Zack lures DOA’s gorgeous female fighters to his tropical love retreat. This is probably the closest thing America will ever get to the bizarre porn games that flourish in Japan.

 

Yakyuken Special series


Speaking of bizarre porn games from Japan, we dug up this nugget of gaming weirdness from across the Pacific. It basically boils down to strip rock-paper-scissors with full-motion video and the most irritating soundtrack you will ever hear (think Godzilla stomping on puppies). Believe it or not, the market actually supported several sequels, and it’s even available on PSP.

Tomb Raider series


Lady Croft remains the most recognizable chest in gaming history. Above, a comparison of Lara’s boobs circa 1996 and 2008. What a difference a decade makes: they’ve also smoothed out her bulbous face.

Up next: more sexy screenshots – or skip to page 3 for obscure Japanese franchises that didn’t make it into the video!

33 comments

  • Lexus2000 - April 3, 2010 4:37 p.m.

    this article was awesome!! i never really paid attention to that kind of stuff in those games except tomb raider btw what was that song in the video?
  • nitrocole - February 23, 2009 3:36 a.m.

    Awsome article!
  • iKOemos - February 10, 2009 3:21 a.m.

    Gamers are such horny buggers
  • explicit56 - February 9, 2009 11:51 p.m.

    caption contest: this is what you get when you mess with the playground equipment. yall need gta 4 its not built on jugz but it certainly has a lot of them. Dead or Alive likes to emphasize the fact that only the girls with big boobs can fight in games. also mortal combat, basically any fighting game like that HAS to have the bounciness. Nice article
  • gmilf71 - February 9, 2009 4:59 a.m.

    Are you guys suprised? Sex sells. Very win article, though. What about dead or alive? You think anyone bought that game for anything else? Good job GR.
  • flk - February 8, 2009 9:41 p.m.

    Bewbs!! Good article
  • bron1417 - February 8, 2009 6:22 p.m.

    win. nuff said.
  • izayuh - February 7, 2009 7:45 p.m.

    niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccccccccccccccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
  • GoGoGadgetFlow - February 7, 2009 5:14 p.m.

    nice! made me laugh
  • NadaNuff - February 7, 2009 4:20 p.m.

    Kicking myself for never playing Sin--I need to find that game now. Familiar with most of the others. Technically you could have included a hundred other Japanese games...glad you didn't, though.
  • pogo - February 7, 2009 12:20 p.m.

    that is friggin hilarious
  • deathrebellion - February 7, 2009 9:57 a.m.

    Ivy takes the Cake. and yeah u guys 4got Bayonetta
  • gutlessVADER - February 6, 2009 11:20 p.m.

    what horrible games
  • Spike_the_Dogg - February 6, 2009 10:17 p.m.

    DUUUDDE!! This feature is epic, my new favorite. Caption contest-- Where'd this egg come from?
  • EricBratcher - February 6, 2009 9:15 p.m.

    Before you crazies get to hollering at us about it, we're fixing the inaccurate screen.
  • waffledragon33 - September 12, 2009 12:19 a.m.

    nice
  • Octaviux - February 12, 2009 2:40 a.m.

    Thats a stimulus package!
  • jamminontha1n2 - February 9, 2009 9:21 p.m.

    you gotta love in oneechanbara clip where they just look at each other and nod their heads like "yeah we are just fanservice"
  • icydarkness12 - February 9, 2009 2:39 a.m.

    Oh. Yes. GR, you rule!!
  • SkinnyJr - February 8, 2009 10:07 p.m.

    Caption contest: That ball is not blue anymore

Showing 1-20 of 33 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000

OR…

Connect with Facebook

Log in using Facebook to share comments, games, status update and other activity easily with your Facebook feed.